How to avoid this drama?

[Lolly667]

I’ve posted before with this username about my relationship with my mother, but I need some help again.

My brother has been having an affair and has moved out and left my SIL and the 2dc. My mother is managing to get very involved in this situation and is making it all about her. Which is nothing new, she’s always been like this. She loves nothing more than an opportunity to get sympathy about how difficult everything is for her. The DC and my SIL are barely mentioned, apart from how hard it’s is for her (my mother) to see them upset

Anyway it’s my mum’s birthday tomorrow so family all usually go around for tea. She’s text me now and asked me to call her when I get chance because “there’s things I need to know before tomorrow”

I know what’s coming. I don’t want to get involved. I really don’t. I don’t want to have to take sides. I’m disgusted with the way my brother has behaved, but I’m still processing the whole situation.

What can I say or do to avoid this drama without falling out with my mother? I can’t see any way apart from engaging with her and get it over with quickly. Why couldn’t she just text me whatever is so important for me to know, why does it have to be so dramatic. She’s always pulling stunts like this.

It’s making me not even want to see them tomorrow.

Text her that you know all you need to know and if the involved parties want you to know more THEY can contact you.

Thanks for your reply things
I’m just so stressed now. I’ve spent all day getting myself more and more wound up about it all.
I’ve not replied or phoned her.
I’ve got enough of my own shit to deal with at the minute.

Don't panic and stress yourself. Practice grey rock. Your stock replies are 'oh dear' 'mm' and 'really'. You don't actually have to listen or respond to what she's actually said cos she not interested in what you have to say.
Her: "Your brother is breaking my heart".
You: "Oh dear". While thinking of what you're going to have for tea.
A good nod every now and again works, especially with a widening of eyes. I've been doing it for years. Seemingly I'm a great amd understanding listener. Lol

Thank you things that’s exactly what I did a couple of weeks ago, though I didn’t realise it had a name then but then I went into a FOG cycle.

I can definitely do the grey rock again though. It just takes me a bit of mental strength that I seem to be lacking today.

I’ve just kind of spiralled since this morning and the whole thing has majorly stressed me out to the point of me feeling sick and anxious.

I’m still learning how to deal with all this rather than being drawn into the same cycle over and over which leaves me feeling drained and burdened and her having the control and attention.

I think I need to find some resources I can read next time this happens to stop this whole cycle escalating. If I’d been able to talk myself down this morning, I wouldn’t have got to the stressed stage I feel now.