Fallen in love but I'm married

[Mrsnoriss]

Ok, here goes. Feel like I'm probably going to get a lot of abuse for this and I am prepared for it. Not necessarily looking for advice, just need to get it off my chest as I can't talk to anybody about this IRL.

So basically, I have fallen in love with my friend. We've been friends with this couple for years, go on hols together etc. For the past 2 years or so friend and I have been getting very close. We've had the odd hug and talk a lot, came close to kissing, but we haven't as we both feel really bad. This is a completely shit situation to be in and I feel like the worst person on the planet. Like I'm living a lie. Can't see how this can go on for much longer. That's all, thanks for listening. Would be nice to hear from someone who is or has been in similar situation.

Whatever course of action you decide, remove the kids excuse from it. You are not doing any of this for them. You don't need to 'sacrifice' your future emotional life for them. You are trying to give it a varnish of morality by pretending they are at the heart of your decision to continue your marriage while in love for someone else. However, this is the point were you lose any pretense of having a moral compass.

"But, I just want to say that my H and I have grown apart for reasons that have zero to do with OM."

This is such an infuriating phrase. It's so passive. It doesn't have to happen.

Those reasons are deserving of scrutiny. They matter. They matter because they need to be addressed to help improve your primary relationship. They matter because you need to know if they are genuine reasons (ie he is abusive, selfish etc, or even if YOU are) or you simply lost sight of each other and have forgotten why you got together in the first place. If that is the case you can fix it assuming you both want to. There were reasons you got together and they were strong enough to marry and have children.

It's hard to stay married forever - it really is - and if it isn't for you, then end the marriage. But don't go into another relationship thinking that it will be better because it's new and shiny now and somehow intrinsically better than your existing one..it won't be because it's still got you in it (and your new love who has also let his marriage 'drift apart'. He is just a man, like your husband and after a while the same things would intervene and you would start that drift again. And you are just you with your own failings just like the rest of us.

And worst of all DO NOT stay married pining for the OM believing that if only you were with HIM life would be better. It's a nice little pipe dream that would have you drifting through life with your eyes shut not appreciating what is in front of you. That is unfair to everyone.

Good luck

BTW you are NOT the lowest of the low. If you were you'd already have taken this further and wouldn't be on here exposing yourself to righteous MN indignation. You know it's the wrong thing to do so you can't be that bad

I just want to say that I am genuinely sorry for those people that have posted on here who have been on the receiving end of this sort of thing and I am not making light of it or excusing it in any way. My H and I have fallen out of love though and things have not been good for a long long time. He is not the man I married and I am no doubt not the woman he married. People change, lives change, circumstances change and some things just cannot be reversed. I really do think we have come to the end of our road together regardless of if OM and me ever do have a life together. I will speak to H, have a feeling he'll be secretly relieved

good luck with that conversation with H. It won't be easy, but neither is spending your life with someone you have fallen out of love with.

Good luck OP x

You wont be the first and you certainly wont be the last. Its not ideal but life sometimes isn't.

There are two options here:

1.) cut all contact with OM, work on a your marriage and give it your 100%

2.) leave your DH, cut all contact with OM until he leaves his wife. Allow all parties to heal before you and OM begin a relationship.

Carrying on as you are now is not an option, you are having an affair and you will get caught. You will cause everyone involved a huge amount of pain, your happiness is not more important than anyone else's.

So,you've fallen out of love with your husband, it happens. But what gives you the right to help yourself to someone else's? If this man is your friend I assume you know his wife, his children - when did you decide your feelings were more important than theirs?