Men and sex and self esteem *may trigger*

[confusedbythem]

I am not sure what I would like to get from this post, other than to maybe write my thoughts down and get some perspectives from others.
Does anyone else ever feel like sexual aspects of their life have ruined their mental health and self esteem?
At 14 I was stalked by a man who put his hand up the back of my school skirt. He was convicted of this offence but I learned my first lesson to fear men and their urges.
By 15 I was in a relationship with a man seven years older than me. It was a sexual relation which my parents knew about and nobody stopped anything, in fact it was actively encouraged. He was a very controlling man who moved me into his house and it was extremely damaging. Afterwards he continued to follow me for awhile.
After this I had what I thought was a happy relationship with an old friend, but we had an accidental pregnancy and got married. It last two years married. He had an alcohol problem and sexually assaulted me in our bed. It ended then.
I jumped right into another relationship which has lasted ten years, and I always thought it was a good one. However he started to have some very strange sexual desires and this created some huge problems. He used me for his own kicks basically.
In between those times I had some short flings I guess
I can't go out for an evening without being hit on and getting sexual comments, and I am wondering why men are like this? Why do you get to reduce women to such objects for their needs and wants? Right now I never want to be touched again and I feel very low today. I wonder if somewhere along the line I have only learned to feel good if a man tells me I am good (in sexual terms?). My childhood was very problematic, and I received little attention in my formative teenage years from either parent, is this a connection to make?
Sorry I'm basically thinking and typing but looking to hear other opinions...

You are completely correct. Yes our culture tells girls that their purpose is to be attractive to men and boys, and tells boys that their worth as a man will be measured by, among other things, their results in the conquest of women. It is all very sick and sad and I honestly thought growing up that this was all historical and no-one thinks like that now, I even told my kids a few years ago when they were just learning the meaning of words that "sexism" was describing how people "used to think" that women were worth less than men. More recently I have been realising that sexism remains endemic and deeply embedded in society. We have not got anywhere close to eliminating it.

It's a patriarchal culture and that's how boys are brought up. I married someone who I thought was different in that he didn't mind women doing mens jobs and vice versa - but now realise he's just as sexist as all the rest. Men, and even women to a large extent, objectify women even today. It's the way of our society. I'm 57 and if I'm not our with my husband I get hit on too. And I'm supposed to be flattered. It's gross.

The sense of entitlement and that it's the way men are, appals me. It is a choice men make every day. We all have freewill and that goes for the women who accept this attitude.

In your own case, because of your background, do you think counselling might help?

I think you are both right. Sometimes I just hate being a women, the double standards are more glaring than ever and I think I sat last night and struggled to feel like I'm worth anything besides a use for men. I have two degrees, three beautiful children, my own home, but the damage done is a little bit catastrophic.

Cultural conditioning for men to be pretty much predators towards women.

It is very damaging to be told every day that the only thing you are good for are your holes for men's use. Doesn't matter what your accomplishments have been, your education, your contributions. At work having to be at least 2x better than the most mediocre man.

Then just wait until you are over 50 and you are invisible. You have zero value to anyone.