Broken sex life. Shit!

[NikitaReynolds]

Sorry for posting this twice. I fear I may have posted in the wrong topic initially.

Me and DP have had sex about 6 or 7 times in the last 7/8 months. Not good. I am pregnant (planned and very lucky I got pregnant the first time and only having sex twice). Before this, I avoided sex. I was one of those crazy women who wanted a child (he wanted one too but we were waiting for a house sale to go through) and sex was really difficult for me when using a condom. It was psychological and I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy it. That probably sounds bizarre, I can't explain it. I just hated the thought of it.

House sale went through and our stress levels were reduced, DP no longer living with his mum and we bought our place together. Sex life picked up a bit and DP was excited to try for a baby. Got pregnant after sex twice and whilst my sex drive returned, I was very sick in my first trimester. Went back to no sex. Second trimester we had some potentially serious complications (still have) and we haven't had sex due to fear for our baby and anxiety (that's my reason anyway).

All of these series of events have meant we haven't had sex in a pretty long time and it's become so weird that I don't know how to fix it. I WILL talk to DP about it but am desperately in need of some advice and stories from anyone who has been through a similar sex drought (and hopefully come out ok the other side!)

Anyone?

Bump?

Crazy women? Is this a reverse?

Pregnancy was a low point for us both times - especially in the 3-9 month range as it just killed all my drive. It came back when I had the baby both times. I would talk to dp about it though. I presume you’ve had other patches of your relationship where things have been fine?

Hardly surprising if you don't want sex whilst feeling sick or worrying about your baby.

@ravenmum I was a bit crazy and no it's not.

I can't work out from your post if you're still pregnant?

@MyOtherUserNameIsAUnicorn I am. I'm 24 weeks.

How long have you been together? It's going to be up and down I would say. At 24 weeks I suddenly had a panic that we would never have sex again. Where's your partner at with this? Have you spoken about it? Lots of people struggle with wanting to have sex when pregnant. Do the complications mean that you've been recommended not to?

PIV sex isn't the only way to be intimate

You might have been crazy (sounds like very low self-esteem to me if you think so), but "one of those crazy women who want a child"? Rather sexist.

@ravenmum ok, point taken, moving on now...

If you're retching into the toilet, you might not want to be intimate at all.
OP, it is really not that uncommon in pregnancy. Are you feeling under pressure to have more? Or is there something else making you feel this might be a serious issue?

Oh gosh, you're pregnant, you've had a lot of stress and changes lately, go easy on yourself. My dh and I don't have sex at all in pregnancy (I bleed a lot and after a previous mc, it's not worth the stress to either of us). With our dd, we didn't have sex once when I was pregnant and then we were bedsharing and exhausted and didn't even try until she was 7 months old. So well over a year with no sex. With our 2nd, again no sex in pregnancy and then not until he was 3 months, so about a year that time.

It's completely normal to go off or just not be able to physically have sex when you're pregnant and the early years with a baby and small child can be hard too. I think it was about once every month or two with our first baby until she was about 2.5! That was many years ago now and we have a perfectly healthy sex life now.

So be patient with yourself and give it time. Having sex when you're pregnant is not pleasant for most people and the early months with a baby are all consuming. But if you love each other, take your time, keep talking about it and make time for each other when you can, it will come back.