If you had a time machine...

[bigdreamer]

Looking for advice!

Used to be a wedding coordinator and have seen many weddings take place - now it is time to plan my own.

We live together and we are both very close with our immediate families however we both do not want extended family at the day due to issues that have occurred on both sides. At the moment we are under extreme amounts of pressure to invite the troublemaking extended family and hope they behave.

I used to give my brides the advice of - it is your day, do whatever makes you happy! The bride would then release the emotions of the amount of pressure she is under to make everyone happy.

I am now that bride.

I am ready to elope and go abroad and have no one there. On the other hand - do I hope for the best and throw a wedding at a venue and hope everyone can behave? Or do we simply get married in a registry office? Obviously, money is also a very persuading factor in just doing something small!

My question to you: if you had a time machine would you change anything about your wedding day?

Do you wish you were more stern about your wedding or are you happy you took the "advice" from close family members about how a wedding should be?

More friends, less distant family and a definite ‘no’ to the couple that a (non contributing) parent just had to invite - never seen them before or since, but they unnecessarily took the place of much loved friends!

Also more time together, we barely spoke to each other all day!

I really wouldn’t have bothered to get hitched and I’ve been with my OH for 21 years, it was lovely but I honestly now don’t believe in marriage, either way we love each other and are together

I absolutely loved our wedding. We were very firm about not inviting extended family we don't see and we didn't do a lot of the faffy things like favours. The wedding and reception was in the same place, we had a humanist ceremony which we wrote ourselves and we just didn't include anyone else in decisions so it didn't become a democracy. We decided what we wanted and told everyone. They could like it or lump it!
We had a few days before the wedding when people started arriving in town and a cocktail party the night before which was great - we got to see everyone before the actual wedding so we didn't need to do all the catch up small talk on the day
The only thing I would have done differently was to have someone filming it all as it all went so quickly!

I should have put my foot down when my husband didn't want to invite some people. There were too many of his family and I had nobody there. Just one friend.

I regret allowing that to happen. Also, history has now been rewritten by my husband who says I was the one who didn't want them there. This isn't true, I was just too weak and eager to please him. If I could do one thing over it would be this.

We had 15 guests, which was perfect. No fuss, bridesmaids, church etc.

Still got divorced but at least it only cost about £600!

Wow - thank you all for the amazing replies! I have been reading them out to my fiancée whilst I'm sitting on our kitchen side in floods of tears after domestic number three with my mother!!!

We have taken the majority: do what we want, it is our wedding and we are the ones paying for it!

Time to sit down now and discuss what is the best way to deal with all of this.

Thank you all again!

Small weddings are the best! And don't spend money on cars, favours, a toastmaster, fancy invitations - no one will notice, care or remember.

If I could do mine again I'd get a cheaper dress, a cheaper cake, a taxi instead of a vintage wedding car and the more expensive photographer package (& if it's a real time machine I'd get a different groom but I guess that's for another thread!).

Sort of, we had a great time but there were some moments that spoiled it that I would change.
Sil would be told not to bother squeezing herself into (and breaking) a bm dress she hadn't fitted for properly.
I would tell mil it is NOT appropriate to wear ivory when the bride is wearing ivory.
I would use a different car company - car didn't arrive to take me to church.
Different photographer - ours ran off with our money and gave NO photos!