I think it's over

[JonnyBgoood]

Just want to say thanks for reading this and how it makes sense, I am not too good at explaining myself, but her goes.

I am a married man aged 46 and have been married for just 25 years. We have 2 wonderful daughters age 16 and 14 and had a very happy marriage until cracks stated to appear last September.
I have no idea what happened but we got back from holiday and my wife suddenly announced that she wanted to sleep in the spare room. This is very odd as she has never fine this in all our years of marriage, but came out with a excuse that she would sleep better, I went along with it for a week or so, but then asked what the problem was, to which she replied 'i need to invite her back to the bedroom', I did and she came back to our room. Since then our sec life has dwindled from at least once a week to every other month.
Fast forward to April and my wife thought it would be great for me to take my youngest daughter away for a week whilst she stated at home with my eldest daughter who would be taking her Exams. Again very odd as we always go away together, anyway we went away in may and we had a great time. We phoned them everyday, but I could tell something was brewing.
When we arrived home she totally ignored me and went into a rant about hire I have broke her heart, but she will not discuss any issues with me. She has moved into the soare room again and is very secretive, her mobile is permanently attached to her and she now takes it to bed, which had never happened before. I came home unexpectedly for lunch one day, to find the for double locked, which took her ages to open. She is always texting but never tells me who it is she is talking with.
I am so confused, I think I have been a good husband, she does not work and my wage supports the whole household. We have spoke about her getting a job but that is as far as it goes.
The latest incident was this morning when I told her that I missed being close, to which she did not reply. I asked if she thought the marriage is worth saving, but she did the is nothing to save. However, she would like to say together live in the same house with me paying all the bills!!!.
I know I must man up to the issue, but I am under so much pressure at work, I just and up crying myself to sleep most nights.
Any advice welcome, sorry for my grammar, I need to get it of my chest.

Seems like there is a lot going unsaid by your wife here. I'm not one of the 'It's an affair' brigade but it is one possible reason along with others such as MH issues.

I can't really offer much help but to say I feel an ultimatum brewing here and you will need to put your foot down and demand a meaningful discussion or you will be out along with you bill money!

You think you had a happy marriage.

This is classic. Men blindsided when women do this stuff.

I would bet if you think and I mean really think back over the past 25 years she has probably been telling you for a long time that she is unhappy. You just haven't listened. Not truly listened.

Men ignore it until this kind of stuff happens. What you do now will make it break it. Choose wisely.

OP - I am sorry. It sounds like a sad situation, and not an unfamiliar one.
You very married young, and now time has past, both of you changed. Kids are almost grown and you still have a lot of life in front of you.
And - i have seen it happen to a number of people - in this phase of life. Especially people who married young and didn’t spend their 20s dating and enjoying single life.
Maybe it’s a midlife crisis.

Your W is clearly unhappy. And, sadly, it most likely doesn’t have anything to do with you bejbg a good (or a bad) husband.
She may or may not be fantasising about a single life. May or may not be slightly depressed. But she does seem to need a change of sorts.

You can try talking to her. Not about sex frequency, or about your grievances - try to ask her how life is going. Is it what she expected in this life phase. Etc.
Maybe she’ll open up. Maybe there is still a chance you two can figure it out.

Ps men often see providing financially as their job done in a relationship. It's not that simple.

Read up online. Alot of free resources available on the relate website.

We can't know what's happened but it sounds like she's fallen out of love with you or maybe likes someone.

Classic mumsnet. Secretive with phone if it was otherway round ha. He is defo cheating.
Even if ur marriage isnt as happy as you thought thats no way to act (the way ur partner is). if shes unhappy, bloody say it like an adult and stop playing games. But to continue the way shes been and for you to still live in the house and pay bills?! What a bloody joke.
You need to have a frank conversation here and sadly it does look like its ending-the way shes acting.

Thank you all for the replies so far.

I'm afraid I think it's over too. You need to take some small, practical steps to take back some control as it must seem like everything is spinning out of your control.
Firstly, is there a manager at work you can speak to to try and take the pressure off?
Secondly, I'm sure your wife doesn't really think you'll continue living with her and paying all the bills in these circumstances. If she does she's deluded! You need to try to speak to her as unemotionally as possible and say this is unacceptable. She needs to start making herself financially independent asap. It's not like your kids are young and she can't work. Tell her you WILL be going to get legal advice about the house. You have as much right to live there as her, but why the fuck would you be paying her share of the bills when she's basically dumped you.
Something happened in September and I jumped to her having an affair. But if she's accusing you of breaking her heart she seems to think you've done something. Is there anything that happened on holiday? Could someone has contacted her and said you'd been unfaithful? If she refuses to tell you what she thinks you've done, would she discuss it with a counsellor or mediator?
Make it clear you will not continue to support her if you are not a couple. You will need to think long and hard about living arrangements and child maintenance. And so will she.
Your poor kids must be totally confused.

Yep I agree with haylii , if a woman was saying this there would be shouts of “ltb and he’s having an affair” your wife is not opening up to by having an adult conversation. I would give the ultimatum, “if you aren’t committed then split up” the other option is she stays and makes it harder for you to move on which is selfish and the kids will pick up on your unhappiness . Don’t waste your time be treated like crap , you deserve more

Thanks, this really feels like support.

I can not think that anything hornet on September, I have been racking my brains but nothing. Unfortunately I am the manger, with almost no other support, I work for a company where if you can not cope you are out. The message is coming through loud and clear, I must have that conversation in an unemotional way.

There is only one way out if this. Communicate. If he refuses to engage at all, set some time limit to let her think on it all.
Keeping her phone with herself is not a good sign. So is not opening the front door. Hope you find a solution out of this.

Question you say she said “how I have broke her heart”

People do not say this out of nowhere?! what else was she saying?

You two need to sit down and have a proper chat for the sounds of it.
Also the bedroom moving and reinviting thing sounds like you have “missed something” quite fundamental within that story

It doesn’t really add up