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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

NEED EXPERT ADVICE - think you can help?

10 replies

TonYs1987 · 08/07/2018 19:54

Hello,

My name is Tony, and i'm 23 years old. I am currently dating this amazing girl, however we only get intimate when we are completely alone, and sometimes this isn't even the case. Let me begin by stating that we do not live together, as we still live with our parents. We have been dating for over a year, and since the beginning, my girlfriend has never really been sexually attracted to me.

What really seems to bother me is the fact that she tells me she gets herself off almost every night because it helps her fall asleep. However when i'm around, it's almost as if she treats me as a friend and ignores the idea that we can have sex. I really am doing everything i can. I take her out on dates maybe 3-4 times a month, and regardless, sometimes we can go on for weeks not having any sexual interactions. I understand that there are other options for people to be intimate who are in the same situation as myself (car, hotel, etc.) but she prefers doing stuff either at my house or hers.

Is this normal?
Is there anything more I can do to fix this?
Any advice is appreciated.
Thanks, Tony.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 08/07/2018 21:39

Hmmm, I don't think she's that into you...

TonYs1987 · 08/07/2018 21:56

She is.. she tells me how she’s never felt any of this stuff with anyone else before me. She always tells me she’s happy where she’s at. She really likes me, but i think she doesn’t like being intimate as much. What do i do?

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 08/07/2018 22:05

If you want her to change to be the woman you want she is not the woman for you.

TonYs1987 · 09/07/2018 00:22

I just want to know if this is normal?

OP posts:
Rivkah2018 · 09/07/2018 00:25

It's normal. She probably just isn't that used to being with someone. And if she is used to doing it for herself she's got into a habit where she doesn't need you to help. Maybe tell her how you feel and make some time to explore each other in a new way. If you work on it together it can get better.

fabulousathome · 09/07/2018 00:42

Go on holiday together and see how things are.

Merryoldgoat · 09/07/2018 00:54

Normal to be young, newly with a partner who you supposedly fancy and want to be with? No.

You might have differing drives and that might take some getting used to but I’d expect more sex/intimacy than you describe.

You obviously can’t make her want to have more sex so you have the choice to put up with it or leave.

Why are you so sure she’s really ‘into’ you? She might say it but how does she show it? Talk is cheap...

RedPill · 09/07/2018 01:12

She could be asexual?

Definitely have a chat with her, mismatched libido can cause a lot of problems

TonYs1987 · 09/07/2018 01:13

Well supposedly in the past she’d hook up with all sorts of guys. Idk.. maybe she realized that sex only causes inner harm, and so maybe thats why she looks down on it so much?

OP posts:
smile15 · 09/07/2018 01:13

Just talk to her calmly

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