How is it that i have to not text my friend about anything of our relationship for fear of his reaction? Sorry but that is egg shells i am on eggshells!!
But i would like to resolve things further but it wont happen. It will just get swept under the rug now. If i instigate further it will result in more silent treatment, thus me getting no where.
I can see you're not ready to hear this, but you are describing abuse. Plain and simple. It doesn't matter that there is no violence or arguments involved, neither of those things are necessary for abuse to be taking place.
His behaviour is coercive control: he controls you (eg banning your mum from the house, what you can share with friends, when you can talk to him, etc) using coercion (silent treatment, ignoring you when you speak, sulks, blaming you for perceived wrongdoings when you challenge him, turning everything around on you, etc).
Being afraid of his reaction for doing something everyone should be free to do is a hallmark of abuse. These "rules" he has are not normal. That is not how other people are living.
I am shocked and appalled that instead of supporting you after your mum's suicide attempt, he took that as an opportunity to try and cut you off from her, and that you (understandably in context) don't feel able to challenge him. His behaviour in that respect is sickening - I recoiled when I read it - and I can't imagine how difficult the last year must have been for you. Punishing someone for feeling so much pain and despair that they can't bear to live anymore is horrific.
Abusive men don't look or act like monsters. They're perfectly capable of appearing to be charming, loving, and reasonable when they want to be. Many do not use violence, and plenty are adept enough to take complete control without very many arguments at all.
Generally, violence is only used when their other tactics have not worked in securing them control over us - but his have, because you have complied, and therefore he doesn't need to escalate to violence to enforce his rules on you.
They are skilled manipulators though, and one of the finest tactics is to make us feel like we're in the wrong or overreacting, to keep us walking on eggshells, make us afraid to do the things we used to, leave us feeling rejected and alone and blaming ourselves, and leaving us thoroughly confused as to what is even right or normal behaviour anymore. He seems to have conditioned you to accept far more than you should, and to feel you have to minimise and excuse him for it.
I want to be clear here that in writing this I'm not trying to tell you to leave him - that would only ever be your decision. However, I do think understanding that his behaviour is abusive not "unavailable" is important for your own sanity and wellbeing, and if you could do that it would help you to cope without ending up so worn down and questioning yourself. It might restore some confidence on what are acceptable boundaries for you to have, and the things you should be able to do without fear.
"Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft is an excellent book, as is the "daily wisdom" version. The latter is really good for helping you take care of yourself when you're living with someone who behaves as you have described. I appreciate you may not want to have a paper copy, but if you have a kindle or downloaded the kindle app onto your phone you could still read it.