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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am i wrong?

34 replies

Lookonthebrightside87 · 08/07/2018 19:30

Me and my parntner have 3 kids between ages 2 and 9, and have been together 11 and a half years. We are in a good place 85% of the time even though i have established he is 75% emotionally unavailable.
Anyway...tonight we ate donghnuts after tea and we did a don't lick your lips challenge. Everyone had finished and my partner had the doughnut powder and cream around his mouth, he started to mess about to try and kiss me on my lips with all that crap on and i resisted, but he carried on and i had to wrestle my way out and up the stairs with him chasing me, my legs gave in at the top of the stairs and he weighed himself down on me and after me giving a good fight to keep him off, i just gave up and he slathered his lips all over me in a soppy kiss kind of way. I immediatley ran off into the bedroom and started to cry. He then came in a few minutes later and i said to him he took it too far, and that it felt as though a stranger was trying to pin me down and i couldn't breath, and i got upset. His reply was oh fucks sake it was a joke and now you've made it not a joke like you always do and he stormed off. Then a few moments later he turned it around on me and said he can't believe what i have acused him of? A stranger he said and shook his head and is really mad at me.
So i get it was a joke but in my opinion it went too far. Why did i start to cry and felt really emotional when i had got up?
he can't see my side and i don't understand his. He does this everytime and tries to turn it around on me.
We are now not speaking to eachother and its awkward as hell.
What are peoples opinions please? Mucho appreciated

OP posts:
Lookonthebrightside87 · 08/07/2018 22:13

Pushpops my extact words to him was sorry if what i said upset you. I maybe could have phrased it different but when i ran away from you into our bedroom i started to cry and i dont know why, i just know i felt panic which has never happened to me before. I explaoned to him that he was on me for too long this time. And that its the first time i have ever reacted that way. Even after him overpowering me to tickle me to death even when he does go a bit too far i never over react i normally play along. However this time was different maybe its because i was on the top 2 stairs when he was on me. He knows how i felt and i got an appology even if it was with his back to me and i kind of forced it from him.
He never ever admits when he is wrong never ever. Where as i do. He always has to ne right too always always

OP posts:
Colbu24 · 08/07/2018 23:42

I think I understand the relationship better now.
There is a part of you that would like to trust him completely but tonight's situation just opened some feelings some unresolved things.
You want to talk about things. Deep meaningful unresolved feelings like your Mum's suicide attempt. What an awful experience for everyone.
You don't want your Mum vanished from your home life. Specially when she probably needs you the most.
I think what happened tonight made you afraid that he doesn't read you well that he couldn't see how upset you were.
By not being able to talk about things that matter to you in essence you are chewing on them. They are eating at you.
Unemotional doesn't mean unavailable and I don't think you are able to open the door of effective communication because he doesn't let you.
I've been married for 29 years and I can tell you. Somethings are non negotiable like your mother. If you love her he doesn't have the right to punish her for not wanting to live. I'm sure she has some regrets.
If you apologise for tonight even if you were justified he may lower his guard.
In every marriage there are times that we have to gamble to make or relationship better and stronger.
Tell him what you want from him and be sure to let him know what you are prepared to accept.
If you want your Mum at your house for example you need to say that she has been punished enough and you won't accept her being unwelcome in your home. That really has to stop.
I had a similar situation and I gathered all my courage and one day I say this is what I need from you and we are still together 23 years after that very difficult conversation.
Best of luck.

Chippyway · 09/07/2018 00:29

Sorry but I think you are massively over reacting and I actually feel sorry for him

It was a joke. He didn’t mean anything by it.

If you want your husband to walk around on egg shells you’re going the right way about it

Lookonthebrightside87 · 09/07/2018 07:15

@colbu24 thanks for your reply. I did apologise and i got one back but along with a few other digs. This has gone out of hand now and he is giving me the silent treatment. I explained to him that i wasn't accusing him of anything and that he just went a bit too far. We will see how this plays out. My mum situation will neber change he is a closed book on that part. Thanks for your reply anyway.

@Chippyway i am not an eggshell person. How can i be when i am the one who tries to resolve things and he doesn't? How is it that i have to not text my friend about anything of our relationship for fear of his reaction? Sorry but that is egg shells i am on eggshells!! How can't you see that?
You are totally disreguarding my feelings on the way i discribed what happened. Yes it was a mess about that went too far. Yes i said sorry for saying it felt like a stranger attacking me. But he is now more out of order for how he is treating me afterwards so its made what happened look like nothing now.
So how can i be over reacting when i am the one who appologised and instigated conversation first?

OP posts:
Babdoc · 09/07/2018 07:33

OP, I’m concerned that there is a lot more subtext to this than just the one incident you describe.
I wonder if your partner is actually emotionally abusive rather than just “unavailable”?
Trying to cut you off from your mother and your best friend sounds classic abusive behaviour, ditto making everything your fault and being reluctant to apologise or see your point of view, ditto not respecting your boundaries.
Why would he want to “punish” your mother for being depressed and suicidal? How unhappy is your relationship if you are left alone to watch tv all evening while he plays computer games? How much time and affection do you ever get from him?
In your position, I would think long and hard about whether I wanted to stay in this relationship, and what changes I would insist on him making if I did stay.

Lookonthebrightside87 · 09/07/2018 08:10

@Babdoc
Thanks for your reply. He looked uneasy tjis morning like he was appologetic but didnt say anything. And before he left for work he gave me a kiss goodbye. So i guess he isn't giving me tje silent treatment.
We do usually have 2 to 3 nights per week where we watch a movie but for the majority of the last 11.5 years all i have known of him is he likes his games on the pc and has friends he chats to on there about game related stuff. So because he doesn't go out with mates, i see it as his way of relaxing or whatever. It just gets to me once in a while as even though i try having genetal chit chat, i am talking to the back of his head and he doesn't say much back as he talks to the people on his game and then i have to wait for a gap to speak, then its almost like i am bughing him by speaking. So i just dont speak much now when hes on his pc.
I wouldn't say its emotional abuse as he is so laid back he doesn't argue in effect. Plus he isn't good with emotions, but i am. So i dont understand how he can be so closed in that respect. He hasn't had a bad childhood etc.
This situation will now just be left as it is as he has gave me a kiss this morning, which means he isn't being funny with me. But i would like to resolve things further but it wont happen. It will just get swept under the rug now. If i instigate further it will result in more silent treatment, thus me getting no where.

OP posts:
Gruffalina72 · 09/07/2018 09:49

How is it that i have to not text my friend about anything of our relationship for fear of his reaction? Sorry but that is egg shells i am on eggshells!!

But i would like to resolve things further but it wont happen. It will just get swept under the rug now. If i instigate further it will result in more silent treatment, thus me getting no where.

I can see you're not ready to hear this, but you are describing abuse. Plain and simple. It doesn't matter that there is no violence or arguments involved, neither of those things are necessary for abuse to be taking place.

His behaviour is coercive control: he controls you (eg banning your mum from the house, what you can share with friends, when you can talk to him, etc) using coercion (silent treatment, ignoring you when you speak, sulks, blaming you for perceived wrongdoings when you challenge him, turning everything around on you, etc).

Being afraid of his reaction for doing something everyone should be free to do is a hallmark of abuse. These "rules" he has are not normal. That is not how other people are living.

I am shocked and appalled that instead of supporting you after your mum's suicide attempt, he took that as an opportunity to try and cut you off from her, and that you (understandably in context) don't feel able to challenge him. His behaviour in that respect is sickening - I recoiled when I read it - and I can't imagine how difficult the last year must have been for you. Punishing someone for feeling so much pain and despair that they can't bear to live anymore is horrific.

Abusive men don't look or act like monsters. They're perfectly capable of appearing to be charming, loving, and reasonable when they want to be. Many do not use violence, and plenty are adept enough to take complete control without very many arguments at all.

Generally, violence is only used when their other tactics have not worked in securing them control over us - but his have, because you have complied, and therefore he doesn't need to escalate to violence to enforce his rules on you.

They are skilled manipulators though, and one of the finest tactics is to make us feel like we're in the wrong or overreacting, to keep us walking on eggshells, make us afraid to do the things we used to, leave us feeling rejected and alone and blaming ourselves, and leaving us thoroughly confused as to what is even right or normal behaviour anymore. He seems to have conditioned you to accept far more than you should, and to feel you have to minimise and excuse him for it.

I want to be clear here that in writing this I'm not trying to tell you to leave him - that would only ever be your decision. However, I do think understanding that his behaviour is abusive not "unavailable" is important for your own sanity and wellbeing, and if you could do that it would help you to cope without ending up so worn down and questioning yourself. It might restore some confidence on what are acceptable boundaries for you to have, and the things you should be able to do without fear.

"Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft is an excellent book, as is the "daily wisdom" version. The latter is really good for helping you take care of yourself when you're living with someone who behaves as you have described. I appreciate you may not want to have a paper copy, but if you have a kindle or downloaded the kindle app onto your phone you could still read it.

Lookonthebrightside87 · 09/07/2018 10:10

@Gruffalina 72
Thank you so much for your wisdom. Why are others on here after reading what you have said that i am the one who has over reacted big time. I didn't even have much of a reaction. I was not shouting or talking angrily at him. It's more his behavior afterwards that has upest me more than the incident itself. And also people saying he is the one on eggshells around me? Really?

Looking back on our time together i can see what you are saying. He does behave like that every time. He never accepts when he is wrong and if he is wrong about something he will blame it on someone or something rather than just saying he was wrong. He is a man of few words and always has been. Although people who we know would say he is a lovely man and i have a good one there.
He shares the housework even though he works full time and me part time. He never moans about if i ask him to do something. But i have been called a nag before what woman hasn't!
I have not been fully happy in our relationship and that was apparent after the whole my mum thing. I was contemplating leaving him but i could see his side too. I thought of it as he was trying to protect us from dissapointment from my mums side. As she has never been a mum to me, not in the time me and my partner have been together (since in was 19) and then before that since i was 15 (i am 31 now).
I will give that book a read. And thanks for making everything a bit more clear to me. I had a little cry i am not sure why. Plus i feel sick as a dog this morning also not sure why.
I feel apprehensive for when he comes home from work later on. Its almost like i feel embarrassed in some way.
It is going to be a bit of not talking much. Then i wont show him any affection for a few days. But i am the one who usually instigates affection all the time, asking for hugs, kisses etc. And i am not a needy person at all but i would like my partner to kiss amd hug me without me asking for it. If you get me?

OP posts:
Lookonthebrightside87 · 09/07/2018 22:46

@Gruffalina72
I read why does he do that and i didn't realise what a mess this all is. Its put a lot of things into perspective. Thank you.

Update on today he basically is acting like nothing has happened and reverted back to going on his pc and not speaking a word tp me as per usual. I came to bed early and he just said ok good night.
Inside my mind is screaming to ask him why he is acting like nothing has happened. But i guess i predicted this would happen right? So it's my fault? Ugh how horrible is this at all!

OP posts:
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