Advice on people pleasing husband

[twinmummyyeah]

My husbands people pleasing to the detriment of our family is driving me mad. We are renting it house out to his mates on mates rates they said they would be there for 6 months which has now turned into a year. It is covering he mortgage but not leaving any change if we rented it through agency we would get double. He is constantly moaning about money asking me to reduce the food shop change supermarkets complaining about bills and not paying for girls ballet lessons etc. I have found out that we need to rent it house from agency before September when schools start to get larger pool of people and higher rent but his friends said they will be moving out mid September (they've been working on their own home for a year) I'm not an unkind person I don't want to push people out but he bends over backwards for other people all the time pretending he's money bags then moans at me and I end up scratching around for money for things for me and our two girls when he flashes around wih other people and won't even say to them can u leave 2 weeks earlier to give us a chance of securing tenants and a better rate? What do I do? He's always good guy I'm always bad cop. Xx

Tell him if he won't tell the friends to move out 2 weeks earlier, you will. Then do it.

Advice on people pleasing husband

You don't thinks that's mean he always makes me feel like I'm so rude to people when I'm only trying to prioritise out family the way other people do

Just tell them yourself, we can't afford you paying half rent anymore when it was supposed to be for 6 months you need to leave the end of August.

Just give them notice. A month, 2 weeks, whatever. You've been the good guys for a year, enough is enough!

Is the property in your joint names?

He’s being ridiculous.

Your post is very clear. Have you put it him in those exact words? “You are choosing to put your friends wants above our children’s needs. You know we’ll be x amount better off when it’s being let properly via an agent, that will cover x ballet lesson, x food shops, x weeks away a year. You are expecting the 3 of us to subsidise your friends who you promised would be gone 6 months ago. DON’T give me shit about spending on our family when you’re giving away x a month”.

I’d be fucking livid.

With all the money that they've saved (or, more accurately, taken from you), they can afford to put themselves up in a Premier or similar or 2 weeks so that you can let the house in September.

You might put it this way to your DH.

Get your mates to pay us the full rent in cash (the market rate).

Sort some of the money into piles. E.g., give the DC the money for their ballet lessons. Give you the money for the supermarket shop etc.

Now, in cash, hand back the difference between what they've just given you, and the rate they're paying. As he takes it off the DC or you, and hands it back, he has to say:
"You need this, the girls don't need ballet lessons.
You need this more than we need the food shop.
You need this more than we need to service the car." etc.

Very few people think of the 'discount' they're giving this way.

Thanks ladies for your advice you've confirmed to me that I'm right in feeling how I feel and I do have a right to let them know we need to get it rented out his bending over backwards and taking everything out on us is driving me insane! Xx

This sounds familiar. Generosity is great but at the detriment of your family is not right. Ask yourself and him why he's so generous with friends and expect you and his children to go without? It's not really generosity at all is it, it's to look amazing to others and ultimately because he thinks he needs to buy their love/respect because he's insecure.

So he's basically what - been giving his friends £400 a month for a year? Which is what - about £5k? Because that's basically what it means. The rented house is part of your income, not something going spare that you're lending a friend. If you were an accountant, you may offer your friends some free advice but if it took you away from paying clients, it means you're basically giving them money.