Revelation about my paternity

[PipeTheFuckDown]

Long, sorry.

I’ve always had a niggly feeling that I’m not my Dads biological child. Nothing on his part made me feel like that, it’s just that I look very different to my younger siblings.

I’ve been NC with my DM for a very long time. Alcoholic, abusive, nasty, lies 24/7 etc etc. A few times when I was a teenager, and I wanted to see my Dad (they divorced when I was 7) and she alienated us from him, broke court orders constantly etc. She’d mumble ‘he’s not even your Dad’ then refuse to expand or clarify.

I am very close to my Dad.

When I was pregnant with DC1, I found out my blood type, rare, can only be passed down and whilst it doesn’t determine paternity it does exclude it. Mentioned the type to my Gran who informed me that my Dads brother had that blood type.

I was shocked but didn’t let on and I never said anything. This was years ago. However recently, it’s started to bother me. So a few months ago, I asked my Dad.

He admitted that his then teenage brother and my Mum had an affair and she fell pregnant with me. My Dad found out when he came home from work early one night. He spared me the exact details of that. it was decided that the marriage would continue, he’d raise me as his own, and I was never to be told.

My Uncle is a rude, obnoxious, racist, homophobic bully at absolute best. He’s nothing like my Dad or their wonderful parents.

He has two D.C. with two women - one he sees, one he has abandoned. They’re the same age as my eldest and youngest D.C.

My Dad says it’s more or less hundred percent I’m not his as him and my mum had no sex life due to him working 12 hour shifts 7 days a week to clear the massive debts my Mum ran up behind his back. (She refused to work...)

I don’t know what to do. Getting a DNA to confirm would be tricky and expensive. And involve several family members - who currently don’t know. Mostly I don’t care - my Dad has always raised me as his own, adores my children and is just a fucking hero to me really. His brother isn’t aware that I now know.

Fuck sticks

Ancestry DNA test .
They have offers on though out the year . Get you and your dad to test it will tell you if daughter and father or not if you your dad is really your uncle it will tell with a bit of work. Facebook groups like DNA detectives will help

It doesn’t read like you want to know.

Could you just leave it as is and continue with your dad being your dad?

Re dna, not difficult to confirm that your dad his not your biological father, just his and your dna. Not sure of the cost.

i assume by bloody type you are say AB?
Which iirc can omly happen if one parent is A and the other B. If your dad is O or the same as your mum thats proof enough.

But it understand if you want to know if its your uncle.
Sounds like a horrible situation for you and your dad. But at least you have each other and that counts for more than anyrhing.

I definitely do not want any form of relationship with my Uncle - he’s vile and at present I get away with seeing him once a year at Christmas and that’s about all I can handle. It’s the potential siblings that’s got me wobbling - although they are the same age as my own children so I likely wouldn’t have much of a relationship with them? It would also destroy my Grandparents.

Mostly feel angry and confused at the moment. Don’t have anyone to talk to IRL and it’s been swirling around my head since I found out.

Cellmark told me that as it’s disputed between two brothers, I would need both of them, me, and at least one of my siblings - they’d also like my mothers but that’s not necessary.

I’m AB
Dad is O

So... do you want to talk about it rather than change anything?

You have a father you love, who loves you.

You have a biological parent who you know won't be of any 'use' to you and another who has already stepped out of your life. You could just work on understanding and accepting that and continuing the loving and supportive relationship you do have with your dad.

Everyone else is irrelevant.... if you want them to be!

@curiousaboutsamphire I think I just needed to get it out somewhere - I’m on a wait list for counselling for other issues (been on medication for the better part of a decade along with CBT and the whole shebang with therapy etc) but will call , mention this and see if it makes a difference to where I am on the list.

Oooh! That sounds like a very heavy mental load.

Good luck getting more focussed counselling!

Why delve further into this can of worms? You have a loving father-daughter relationship with one man. A relationship that you both care about and want to maintain. You have a biological relationship with another man. That's as far as it goes. As to the cousins/half-siblings, the name of the relationship doesn't matter. They're family, be as close to each other as you all like.

Trying to publicise the blood relationships will simply cause distress to everyone, especially to you. You and your dad know, and it's nobody else's business. Your dad sounds a great guy BTW.

Are you sure your father's blood type is O? I only ask because my mum who is AB negative and therefore considers it important to know her family's blood types has always told me I am an O like my dad. When I had it tested I am actually a B, so had been labouring under a misapprehension for almost 40 years.

Also there are apparently ways for an O parent to have an AB child, chimerism for example or see here genetics.thetech.org/node/191

Obviously the only way to be sure is to get the appropriate tests, but if your father was a chimera sounds like that might not show home being your father without further examination anyway. To be honest, it sounds like the man you have thought of as your dad until now IS your father in every other respect if not genetically. I am not sure I would want to know, myself.

As a midwife, I am often told that a person is certain of their blood type. Testing often proves them wrong!

I'll just say this...

Regardless of DNA sharing, you are still you. You are @PipeTheFuckDown . It doesn't change who loves you and whom you love. It doesn't change the past and it won't change the future if you don't let it. It doesn't change memories,upbringing,love,relationships,experiences.

I don't see what's to confirm here - your father has said that he and your mother weren't having sex and that she did have an affair with your uncle. So your uncle is your father - it doesn't seem to be in doubt.

What's also not in doubt is that the man who raised you did a good job, loves you, and is there for you. You know who your father actually is, DNA or not.

Your dad is your dad. He is your hero, blood is unimportant really compared with a life of happy memories. If you aren't going to like the answer, sometimes it is better not to ask the question.