Feel like life is passing me by - how have you pulled yourself back from a low point?

[FolkGirlAtHeart]

I am not where I want to be in life. I had never imagined to be (almost) divorced at 36, without children. I am slowly pulling myself up from the breakup (OW and wasn't treated very well) but, more than ever, I feel stuck.

I am struggling to make new lasting friends; I have few but very food friends, but none are in my situation. They all have partners, and weekends especially can get lonely. I've tried evening classes etc. but neither this nor my other hobbies have improved my social life.

More than anything I would like a family but I can't see this happening at the moment. It's a lovely summer day and all I'm doing is lounging in the garden. All friends busy and I am sure very soon pics will be posted of them kayaking with their partners, in the park with their kids or at family bbqs.

What has helped you to life a fulfilling life despite lacking what you actually want?

Sorry for typos - damn autocorrect.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't really have much to offer.

Keep doing what you're doing, exercise and hobbies, be open to new things and say yes. 36 isn't too old to find what you're looking for.

Really hope you find your happiness soon ❤️

I think studying and after that, a demanding job. I had the 2dc but wanted a fulfilling relationship with a Nice Man. .Now the DC are grown up with DC of their own. I've got the Nice Man, but what am I doing today? Lounging in the garden. Dp's watching F1!

I was where you were at your age. Now a couple of years on and it’s been very hard.
I don’t have any answers but I think it’s very hard to create a life at our age when everyone else has a family etc.

Time really. I feel a hundred times better than I did 2 years ago. I am not very good at rushing into relationships so I am still single.

I am sort of resigned to the fact that it takes time to build friendships and a new “life” I have ok days and bad days and some good days!
I am also glad I am not unhappy in a relationship anymore, I look at some of my friends and they may well be posting pics pf a bbq. But I know they are deeply unhappy.

So, my main thoughts are, we are suffering now, but rarely anyone goes through life without any suffering. I kind of hope I’ve just got it out of the way early.

And you’ve got a garden!! Which is lovely and I’m jealous!

I also found people saying join a club really made me want to punch a wall. But I get the sentiment.

You still have time for kids, but think long and hard about wether you want to be in a shit relationship just because you want kids? Have you thought about going it alone?
If nothing else, I would suggest getting a fertility test.

Anyway!! Sorry that Was long

And I’m not saying you will end up in a snit relationship because you rush into kids with someone. But I fear we ignore red flags and problems because we want the ideal of a family.

I know I’ve got lots to be grateful for - I’ve got my own house, am financially ok and have a career I absolutely love. Sorry if I came across as moaning; I guess I’m very zoomed in to the things I don’t have.

I’m not quite ready to put myself out on the dating scene, it scares me. I’ve thought about going it alone with a baby but I have now family support (parents both dead and estranged from brother as his wife doesn’t like me. My sister lives abroad) I might look into fertility testing though to get an idea about where I stand.

My job comes with lots of holidays; I’m a teacher. The next 7 weeks scare me a little bit I don’t like to admit that as I feel so ungrateful.

I could have written this post myself today so you have my sympathies. I have just ended a short relationship with someone I really liked as he didn’t want children and today I’m missing him. I do find things can change suddenly though and whilst we’re not feeling great today it could all change tomorrow so I try to be positive. I’ve booked myself on an amazing holiday for two weeks in the summer holidays. Is this something you could do too?

I have booked a holiday - first time ever that I’m going away on my own in the summer. Well it’s a group thing but still.

Well done!

That’s brilliant! And brave. I think it sounds great.
You will be ok.
I sometimes read about people on here and I think they’ll be stuck in the same awful pattern for most of theirs lives.
But I do not get that vibe from you!

Get your fertility checked, if for no other reason than you have the power of knowledge.

X

Thank you @eightfaces. I hope I will improve my life.

How do I go about having my fertility checked? Presumably I pay privately, do I still see my GP?

I got it done at the London’s women’s clinic. They have them all over the country
I think it’s very sensible and gives you options. Cost 300
But, i would go that route if you can affor it, I found my gp less than helpful