Feel like I'm slowly dying inside

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Am so upset I don't know what to do.

Myself and H have been together for 17 years and married for nearly 12. We have been unhappy a long time but it was really apparent after the kids came along (aged 8 and 6).

I broke up with him in Feb but told nobody except my family. They took his side and subtly bullied me into giving it another go (they are very old fashioned) so I did. But I'm slowly dying inside. I don't like him, We don't get on and when he touches me I just cringe. I feel so angry a lot of the time and disappear into my phone or tv. I know this isn't fair on the kids. I'm not sure I can cope with another split and my family not talking to me, it nearly broke me 6 months ago.

When you leave him life will become wonderful again.

It's plucking up the courage Blue. My Dad has only started talking to me again. My family will not support me through this.

It wasn't fair of them to put pressure on to make you go back. It's just postponing the inevitable.

You say you are just unhappy. Is the H unhappy as well? If so, wouldn't he be pleased at an amicable separation, by agreement? No nastiness, no blame. Otherwise it's 2 lives being wasted, and the DC being brought up in a toxic atmosphere for the next ten years, or more!

No he claims he loves me Single and doesn't want it. He is making it so difficult. We are two miserable people

My parents took my ex's side when I left him, its still the best decision I made though.

How did you get through it Was?

I was fortunate to have good friends, not local, but they helped. My parents started speaking to me again three years later when my ex remarried and moved away.

It's not easy, I went through hell, but it was worth it in the end.

Is there a reason why your family wouldn’t support you? Do they know how unhappy you are?
Are you able to support you and the kids without him? It’s a very unfair situation. It’s your life to you should be able to be happy. I do understand your situation slightly. Do you have any family or friends that would be around for you if you did walk away from him?

I couldn't not reply as I have been through something similar myself. I separated from my husband due to EA and my family simply don't understand EA or the superstition. I understand this was because he had a very good public image and after going through a lot of counselling I understand that families have a tendency to project a lot of their own issues. My family is a complete mishmash of divorces and blended families etc. If they instantly supported you, they would also have to start questioning their own views as well. The best way to move forward is to seek your support elsewhere. Luckily my friends have been wonderful as has my mum, but a lot of other family members have only just begun speaking to me again. It's nice to have some of them back but it's jaded my trust in them and for me has entirely compromised those relationships in the future.
My separation happened a month ago and it's ultimately been for the best. My mental health has improved immeasurably in that time, I have managed to put some weight back on and start sleeping again. The kids are adjusting well to the new routine. Family are dropping little hints regarding reconciliation but i know that's their safety blanket and not mine. There have been some tricky days where the past clouds my thinking but they soon pass like all clouds do. I know I've done the hardest part and will be better than ok.
My advice to you would be to push ahead with what you want and stick to a 'party line' with regard to your family. They should want you (and therefore your kids) to be happy in the future.