Apologies in advance, I'll try and keep this short.
DH and I together 6 years married 2.5, have a DS and he is stepdad to DD. We got together it was all fine and lovely, but then he fucked it up and I've since damaged the relationship even more.
To start, he worked away for 6 months in Scotland, and he had been messaging and friendly with a barmaid up there. Then, he was made redundant. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and the stress was unreal. But while I was working my arse off, he was messaging girls (including ex one night stands) to send him nude photos and trying to engage in sexting (luckily the women told him to get fucked).
I stupidly forgave him and we moved on. Except we didn't. I never really forgot and I was so hurt by it all but at the time I was pregnant and didn't want to go through anything alone.
Anyway, he gets a new job that sees him working away for weeks at a time. In this time he has text a sort of colleague - the message I saw read "you bring your hot body, I'll bring the condoms".
I lost the plot with that one (2 years ago now) but again we started over. Seriously wish I hadn't and you will be able to see where I'm going with this now...
We have been having rough patches for ages now. He works in the same job still, we never see each other but there's usually opportunities for me to visit him. However this year he has made every excuse under the sun for me not to visit him, and he has applied for a job in the town he spends a lot of the year in. I suspect he has met someone down there, or plans to leave and move there to be with her.
My mental health hasn't been great for months, my job is a big part but so is the marriage. I can't get over that he tried to cheat and there are thoughts that he has - something he denies. Obviously. But this week, I started to pack for our holiday, and in his wash bag I found a massive load of condoms. About 12 I think. His excuse was "there for when I do oil changes, they catch the oil when I'm swapping filters over". I'm really not buying this.
So now I'm sat here on holiday realising I'm sick of crying, of worrying, of the pain, of the mistrust. He was cuddling me this morning and I felt numb. My heart is in my chest with the anxiety of it all, but right now my mind seems to be saying "enough".
I spent most of the day alone yesterday, happy for him to be with his parents and uncle or whatever. Today he wants me to come out with them all, I am happy to spend another day by myself.
So this is it isn't it? I have been looking online this morning about divorce, and plan to put my name of the housing list when I get home to see if I can move into affordable accommodation for me and DC. I also need to save up. Then I plan to slap him with divorce papers because I've looked through the grounds and a lot of them apply to us.
So there we are. Sorry this doesn't make sense but I'm getting my thoughts and feelings out in a constructive way, and making up a sort of plan which I hope will come to fruition sooner rather than later. Thanks if you managed to read to the end.