5m/o son dad got with another girl out drinking.. what am i even thinking?

[1sttime4everything]

I've posted about darling boyfriend before always being out late drinking when i was pregnant. Well i gave him an ultimatum and he shaped up.
We live abroad away from family
We had DS (traumatic birth terrible recovery but we are both great now!)
DS is now 5mths old I'm a SAHM. Boyfriend works in a bar.
Last month I caught him having an 'emotional affair' (sexting, nude photos..) that went on for a month and they ended up kissing
I read through every message and i do believe it was 'only' a kiss but I am having problems forgiving him. I stayed at my mums for 10 days before flying back to him
He was going out 1x week since as we agreed on but then this girl he was seeing came back (on holiday) so I told him no going out until she's gone. He's been out twice since.. once to the place she was most likely to be at (he said the thought she may be there 'didnt even cross his mind') he came home as soon as I told him to but we still had a huge argument.
Then he went out last night to the nightclub after he finished work
So I told him pack his bags but he started crying and telling me how hard it is being the sole breadwinner and his life is just work home work home. He alluded to being depressed and suicidal so I said if you really feel that way then talk to someone (professional) and get some help. He said that's not the 'done thing' in his culture

Long story short he's sleeping on the sofa..

I feel like i want my son to have a good life (abroad.. here..) BUT we have no family here. I want him to have 2xparents in his life but his Dad wouldn't be able to see him more than a few times a year if we break up. I dont feel like I can stay abroad without family OR boyfriend.

But I'm also very aware that the older DS gets the more he'll pick up on and that I need to make a final decision soon.

Am I being seriously disrespected here because I certainly feel that way?
Also I am EBF not sure if my hormones a playing a part or am I insanely angry because I've had a baby with a loser?
Also do I love him? After he betrayed me? No. I'm TRYING to but I don't.

Sorry but it does not seem like he wants to be a dad or in a relationship. Probably something he should have considered before making bacon!

Am I being seriously disrespected here because I certainly feel that way?

Yes you are. Big time.

Also I am EBF not sure if my hormones a playing a part or am I insanely angry because I've had a baby with a loser?

The second one. I'm angry on your behalf!

Also do I love him? After he betrayed me?No. I'm TRYING to but I don't.

Seriously, why bother? He's not going to change is he? I mean, telling me how hard it is being the sole breadwinner and his life is just work home work home boo hook for him. You've had a baby and are living abroad, how does he think you feel? At least he gets to go to work, you, presumably, are stuck at home.

If I were you, I'd move back home.

Well, quite. What are you doing ?

Sexting+dirty pics is a sexual affair. Why have you minimised this behaviour to only "emotional" ?

What do you think he did in response to receiving those communications ? Had a nice cup of tea...or wanked himself raw or (even worse) got turned on and then shagged you ?

And love, stop blaming your hormones and wise up. They did more than "kiss" and you are being made a mug of.

Oh, and ignore the emotional blackmail. He certainly doesn't sound suicidal to me.

so I told him no going out until she's gone.
he came home as soon as I told him to

You shouldn't have to tell him how to show you respect. He is meant to be your equal.

It sounds like you grew up when the baby was born and he didn't! I would be booking my flight home.

Chapterandverse is right. If you stay with him, you'll be one of those women who complain that their DH is an extra child.

(I do this on occasion and it's not good)

I think you should go home, the older your DS gets, the harder it will be to go back when it gets even worse which it probably will

If you can go back home and bring up your kid whilst you get the love and support you need, I would. (I did)

If it's not this particular woman it'll be another you can't keep him away from them all. Ultimately it was up to him to remain loyal and faithful to you. But he doesn't want to do that be because he was clearly enjoying himself.
He's too immature for a grown up parenting relationship once we have dc especially a baby life revolves around that baby.
And for working parents life is work home children.
You need family around you that you can depend on. You shouldn't have to spend/waste these precious new baby months searching through your partners phone for evidence of his cheating

Make the life changes that you need to .
Leave him . There is a better life ahead , don't waste any more of your precious time on him . Your DS deserves more than this

You know the answer to your questions. Get your ducks in a row, rally your support network back home and leave him.

He's a party boy working in a bar abroad, if it's not this girl it will be another. He's not yet mature enough to be any kind of partner or father, sorry. He isn't depressed just trying to guilt trip you into letting him get away with his shitty behaviour
Cut your losses & bring your child home where at least you have family support.