Advice pls. Abuse - young and vulnerable mother. wwyd?

[Sabire]

DD (18) came home sobbing at 3am last night. She'd been round at a friend's house and witnessed the friend being severely emotionally abused by her partner. DD had filmed it in the end to try to shame him into stopping, but he'd just carried on hurling abuse at dd's friend, who was curled up motionless and catatonic with distress on the floor.

Bit of background - dd met friend at 16 when they were both inpatients in a children's mental health facility. DD has a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, and so does the friend. DD really loves this girl and is godmother to her year old daughter. She's aware that the partner has been aggressive and unpleasant ever since she's known him, but she now describes him as controlling everything this girl does. Recently she's had no way of contacting her friend as friend now has no access to a phone, social media or money, and is staying indoors with her baby all day alone. The partner takes the keys to the flat with him so she can't go anywhere. DD only managed to get in touch with her by contacting the shop below their flat, and getting someone to lend her friend their phone to call her.

The recording on dd's phone shows him threatening to tell social services that friend dropped the baby and taunting her about her mental health.

I'm really, really concerned. I know dd's friend is an adult, but she's particularly vulnerable because of her mental illness. I'm concerned about the baby too. I'm also worried that it's affecting DD who's feeling horribly guilty and conflicted. Friend has begged her not to contact social services or the police as boyfriend has threatened to kill himself if she does.

Would add, that despite all her problems dd's friend appears to be a really loving, gentle, responsive mother to her baby, and the baby seems to be thriving. I don't have regular contact with her but dd has cared for the baby overnight on a couple of occasions when friend and boyfriend have had a (rare) night out.

I really don't know what to do. It's really hard to hear about such a young and vulnerable acquaintance being coercively controlled and emotionally abused, and to know that a baby is being exposed to so much stress. I feel very uncomfortable about sitting on that information and doing nothing.

So I guess I'm asking - wwyd in this situation?

Contact social services and the police.

Contact social services and the police. Definitely. This woman and the baby are in danger.

Police and social services immediately. This is a massive safeguarding issue with serious risk of harm to both mother and child. Make sure you keep your daughter's video.

Yep, police and SS. She’s being imprisoned and abused. I think they’d be very interested. And that baby won’t be thriving long once it is old enough to be affected by the abuse.

If anyone saw this and is interested in an update: dd phoned the friend's mother and told her what she'd seen. At the same time the police came back as neighbours had reported the shouting. DD went back over with the girl's mum and helped her pack her things and the baby's, and they've gone to stay somewhere secure where the boyfriend won't easily be able to gain access to them. She's had contact with a domestic violence officer from the met, and a domestic abuse charity. I really hope she doesn't go back to him.

Turns out that the boyfriend had also been physically abusing her - had put his hands round her throat and jerked her back and forwards so her neck is sore. He's also grabbed her face repeatedly and pushed her into a wall.

I'm really proud of my daughter - she's only 18 but she's very brave and a good friend.

Thanks for the update; your daughter's friend is very lucky to have such a friend. I'm very proud of her too.

So glad she girl is getting some help.
Your DD sounds like a wonderful friend.
I hope she stays away.
It usually takes around 7 attempts to leave an abusive partner.
Hopefully this will be the only time she needs to get away.

For your daughter, this is an important lesson that she can trust her own judgement, she knew that something had to be done and confided in people who could be trusted. She's also learned that it is possible to get out of seemingly impossible situations. Well done to her and you.