Men who leave small kids or pregnant wives

[Username10000]

Opinions and thoughts wanted
What kind of man does this? How can they live with themselves and just start a new life including perhaps finding a new person (or carry on with OW).

Beats me too, my husband dumped me when I was really sick in hospital, just fucked off with no warning emptying the bank account after 25 years of marriage.
Men like that are not real men, better off without them tbh.

I don't understand it either but there are plenty of threads on here by women with young children who want to leave their husbands and not all are abuse or dv related so it rubs both ways.

Having children is a significant (but very rewarding imho) stress on a relationship.

Plenty of women leave whilst pregnant or with babies too. It's not just men.

Are you advocating people can't leave if unhappy if they have children?

Given the amount of posts on here where women take responsibility for the contraception and get pregnant as they alone wanted a child it's hardly surprising some relationships don't last.

Opinions and thoughts wanted

Impossible to give an opinion without knowing the reason for each individual situation.

What kind of man does this?

See above.

A good friend of mine left his ex when their baby was 5 months old. She was emotionally abusive and made his life a living hell. Two years later he's still single (no MN, men don't always leave because there is an OW) and she uses their child as a way to control him but at least he doesn't have to live with the twisted bitch any more.

He's a wonderful man I've known for over 20 years.

I guess most of these aren't planned pregnancies...

This is a pretty naive post, it's too simplistic.

My partner (before I met him) split from his wife. He did not leave his child and would be crushed that anyone saw it like that.

People leave bad relationships although they have children with the person they are leaving, and some people abandon their children. Do not conflate or confuse the two issues.

DH left his ex when their DS was 2. They were both extremely unhappy in their relationship, but she would have seen it through and been miserable together forever as it looked better than splitting up.

Nearly 7 years later they have both found new partners, married, and had another child each. DSS is loved by both his parents, both his stepparents, and both his siblings. He is a happy and well adjusted little boy because he wasn't raised in a home where his parents were miserable.

I don't think you can generalise that men who leave partners with small children are all bad.

Pls - no the pregnancy wasn't planned. They had sex 4 times in 3 years because witholding affection/intimacy and blaming him for 'being ugly and shit in bed' was one of her favourite EA techniques. Only takes once to get pregnant though..

Im female and I left my expartner when we had a young child. Is that a problem to you OP?

The children see both parents still and have done since we split.

I left ex-h when DD's were 18 months & 3yo - is that ok because I took the girls with me? I was a SAHM at the time so it made sense for me to have the girls full time.

They're now 18 & 16 and haven't seen him for at least 12 years - not because of me leaving as he was having regular contact for the first few years then it just tailed off & he eventually stopped showing up.

Ex-p & I separated when DS was 4... DS lived with me but when he was 7 I got a full time job & needed to move 30 miles away from the village we lived in but DS wanted to stay at the same school so he went to live with his dad & stepmum as that's what made sense in the circumstances... I haven't left DS & I still see him regularly & ex-p & I have a flexible arrangement regarding contact.

All situations & circumstances are different. Both men & women can "leave" their children but there are also men & women who are able to make decisions based on the best interests of their child/ren.

My ex left me at 6 weeks pregnant.
I'm due this week

He's claimed from day on he'll support me and love me blah blah

I haven't seen him since November

He's actively chasing/dating others and they have no idea he's about to be a dad

My DH left his ex partner years ago while she was pregnant and they had small children.

With each child the ex had become more and more controlling and abusive, he had been cut off from family, he was given a huge list of DIY jobs to do on each day off and when they were not all completed he was screamed at.

He was told daily he looked funny, walked funny, dressed wrongly (this led to him not being allowed to buy clothes), he had a stupid job and did not earn enough (he was the only one working). If he had a job interview he would be kept up the night before by her picking a fight/giving a list of DIY.

He was not permitted to grieve when his father died, instead told to pull himself together and get on with the DIY.

He was not allowed to ever buy anything for himself, he once wanted a £10 DVD and many excuses were made as to why he could not buy it. When he disobeyed and left early for work to go buy it anyway, she phoned and screamed at him, you wait until you get home, you will be sorry!

He attended counselling (he felt that the problem was him) and was told that it was a particularly bad case of emotional abuse and was encouraged to leave. Luckily his mother had realised that he was being cut off from the world and had already made up the spare room so that he had somewhere to go when he was ready.

The children were all alienated from him, however years later we now have DSS living with us, he had unfortunately become the scapegoat child.

All sorts of reasons, it doesn’t always mean they are an out and out arsehole just as it wouldn’t if the woman left the man during pregnancy or when the child was small...

Men get abused and controlled too and they are also allowed to leave because they’re simply miserable. They shouldn’t be forced to stay for the sake of a child just as a woman shouldn’t be.

Pregnancy and the first year of parenting in particular puts a huge strain on anyone, regardless of how strong the relationship is so I find it incredibly understandable why a relationship would crumble. Not all relationships that end during pregnancy were down to it being unplanned either. I know a couple who experienced fertility problems and lots of miscarriages before she went on to have a successful pregnancy. They split up a month before the baby was born.