Keeping secrets

[Emmywrena]

Hello, I’m hoping to get someone else’s input on my situation. Short story- my husband left me pregnant 10 years ago, he moved a younger women in our house when I left the house so I was unable to return really. I met a guy two years later and we dated this dating has been going on eight years and only one of his friends know about me. I haven’t met his family nor his friends. He very much lives a single life. We both work full time and we talk everyday and see each other a few times in the month. He lives about a two hour drive away but our work is about an hour away. I feel heart broken that I’m a secret and the reason I have put up with it for so long is because I feel like a reject and being alone completely scares me a little but to be fair I do everything alone anyway. Am I wrong to not want to be a secret? Him keeping me a secret is that wrong? What should I do?
Please help!

Are you the other woman? Why does he say your relationship has to be secret?

I think you should be brave and go it alone. Or start dating and then when you find someone you like, dump this chap.

Sounds like his getting exactly what he wants from you without all the addition effort of moving the relationship forwards. It has been 8 years and he still treats you as if you are in a new relationship. If you aren't happy with that tell him!

In these eight years so many things have crossed my mind, I truly don’t know if there is someone else he has always denied it and whenever I call him he always picks up so I believe him that there isn’t anyone else. The thing is he tells me he loves me and wants to spend his life with me but he isn’t able to talk through these problems and he isn’t able to make plans and stick with them. The fact he is able to have a secret relationship without his loved ones and close friends knowing about me makes me feel like less.

Why does he say he keeps it secret? Is there a cultural or religious barrier where his family would be difficult? Being the mistress sounds most plausible.

Anyway, after 8 years, you really have to face up to it, that this is as far as this relationship is going to go. If you want more, you need to look elsewhere.

If you fear being alone so much, get a dog. They are so much better at being loyal. Please don't accept crumbs.

There isn’t any religious barriers. I tried to talk to him once again yesterday and he comes out with the same lines “ I understand you deserve better” “ I want things to change” but he has been saying the same lines for eight years. For me it’s very frustrating and upsetting that he doesn’t try. I don’t want him to go around telling everyone but it would be nice if I was invited to things and if his parents knew about me after eight years.

Well if there's nothing stopping that happening - then the only thing is, he likes things the way they are. You don't.
So end it.
Or start dating and then end it.