Getting away from abusive partner I feel so low

[alleyesonme]

I have posted before on here I’m still in the same situation. I want to get away from my partner he is verbally and emotionally abusive. My brain is actually frazzled to a point now that I forget everything and I mean everything as I walk on egg shells everyday of my life. I went to watch the England match with my friend at the pub I never go out and the amount of abuse I got over it how I make him unhappy and why didn’t I contact him whilst I was there I was out for two hours. I’m on my own tonight my kids are at their dads house I’ve considered suicide tonight but I’m scared to do it and my kids can’t do that to them. I’ve got nothing left anymore Inside I was even scared when people were filming in the pub cos I was there even tho he was out with his dad anyway!
Five long years of this now but I’ve got hardly no friends left in really lonely he’s good sometimes but he switches on me fast and he’s narcissistic to the hilt. I feel like I’m worthless I have a good job but at work I cant concentrate either I want help I feel like screaming

Please change this op...where do you want to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years?

I can tell you that there is a better life out there, a life of no abuse or name calling where people treat each other fairly and kindly...

There is a way to be happy without a man in your life, it takes time and counselling to change the wanting someone who is so bad for you.

I can tell you your children deserve a better life and you are the only one who can make that happen for them.

But you have to be brave and leave to achieve any of it, l am sure you can you are stronger than you think

@kristrose I remember you from your own thread. It was horrifying abuse.

Of course his mum won't intervene. Where do you think he learnt to behave like this?

Social services won't have any reason to think you're a bad mum if you've protected your children from him. At the moment though you're still teaching them that this is normal behaviour.

You've described how appalled you would be if your son was the one doing this. But can't you see that you're setting your children up to repeat this pattern if you don't take the leap of leaving? If you take them out of this environment you won't have to worry about them repeating this in their own lives. Staying is teaching them this is acceptable and normal.

The mother of your abuser is not the place to look for support. You've described that she won't do anything he doesn't like, so why do you think she'd support you over him?

You had good advice on your own thread. Places that will provide actual support were named.

I do understand how hard leaving is, I've been there, but at a certain point you have to decide to break out of the cycle and jump. I know it's hard when they're making your head spin, but your head won't stop spinning until you get out.

You said you didn't have your father around, so you want them to. Can I offer you my perspective having been the child growing up with the abusive father? I still wish on a regular basis that my mum had been brave enough to leave him and protect us. I still hurt that she didn't love us enough to do that. The abuse I witnessed and endured from my father set me up for even worse abuse as an adult and nearly destroyed my life.

Having no father is better than having an abusive father. If you want them to have positive role models, then find positive influences. They don't have to be biologically related. But this man is a destructive influence. They won't thank you for staying. They will if you leave.

If you're pissed off about Eminem, can't you use that anger as your final push to get you to change this situation? You can be the one to take charge of your life. Leave, go to the concern, start your new life with a bang. Nobody's going to sweep in and save you, you need to be - and can be - your own rescuer.

Hi just an update thanks for all the supportive messages it does help me feel I’m not insane.
Every night at the moment he is kicking off about something I’ve done/not done.
Last night I stormed out the kids were I. Bed and just drive around in my car crying but he kept calling and I had to go back as my kids were there if they wasn’t I wouldn’t of gone back all night.
My house is upside down because of the building Work I can’t afford to pay someone to finish it he knows that ,sometimes even kind things he does feel like there an agenda there as he knows I can’t tell him to leave as I’ve done in the past because the back of the house is a a building site and I just make my bills each month. I did the house at his suggestion and when he was on a nice phase but he seems to have lost interest in getting the work finished when he was all hands on a deck a few weeks ago and he knows it is a hold he has on me.
In regards to someone saying I need support through his bad abusive phase he is abusive subtly most of the time and sometimes it’s very bad and sometimes we are good too but I know this isn’t healthy my life is crap pure crap I am so lost in my life I want someone to help me but I know I’m not helping myself.
I did throw him out and Calle the police a few months ago after he physically assaulted me the police never came I waited all night long and the next day.
About a week later they called and asked if I was ok but he was already back by then so I just said I was ok and he had gone but I had the strength then to call the police for the first time in five years and they didn’t come. It made me lose faith in the system

OP. Needing someone to help you finish building works on your home is not reason enough to put up with coercive control and physical abuse. There are no reasons in this world to put up with it. You know that deep down don't you?

You’re putting up with this misery so you can finish work on the house? Stop wasting your life. Get him out. Change the locks. Don’t leave him alone with your children! Can’t your mum come and stay? What is this doing to your children? Can their dad help? Stop letting this waste of space destroy you.

But your house is livable, right? And 'watertight'? If that's so, the rest can wait. I'd rather live with an empty framed out extension or a bare concrete kitchen floor than live with a man like that.

You mention having a joint business but also say 'your job'. Are these one and the same or do you have a separate job? Because if you do and your wage is enough to pay the bills then to hell with the business. Let him have it.

I know it's hard, but you need to picture your life without him. Actually FEEL the peace for you and your children. SEE in your mind how nice and calm your house would be. Really feel and see it. Then make it happen by taking that first step. Probably by choosing someone you trust and calling them and telling them everything. A friend or relative. I'll bet you have friends he's alienated you from. They're probably praying you get away from him and waiting for your call.