i feel like an attention seeker when i tell people whats been going on but i feel lonely and i need someones advice who i don't know.
me and my mum are originally from florida moved to the uk,her husband over here cheated she moved back. i stayed,long story short ive been over here on my own for 3 years. i met my kids father two years ago.
hes always been jealous,when we first got together and if i made plans with someone hed kick off i thought it was cute in the begging cause someone wanted to spend time with me. that all just escalated. he went from just getting jealous,to name calling and blanking me infront of his family. not speaking to me for days. i got pregnant the first week i was with him so when i was pregnant on my first child we spent the time getting to know each other. i started seeing how much of a bully he is,when we go over to his sisters he starts bullying her boyfriend whos older then him but a very skinny and short boy so my boyfriend knows he can dominate him. hes a very controlling boy. his mum would even tell me hes controlling and she knows he stops me going out.
im sorry im rambiling on i hope im making some sort of sense.
before i met him i was a party girl,made a lot of mistakes,ive been with some of his friends way before me and him even got together. but i get punished for that,if me and him are out and we see someone ive been with hell call me horrible names,and wont speak to me for days. whenever we go out i can never enjoy what were doing cause i have to deal with him kicking off cause i show my bum off (i wear skinny jeans),he doesn't like me walking behind him. i gotta constantly be on egg shells because i think were gonna bump into someone from the past.
when i gave birth to our lg i had to have a ventouse delivery and needed a male doctor to do the procedure. he kicks off over that. he says i like having men fingering me,and i wanted a male doctor. he makes me feel horrible i thought hed be happy me and the and baby were safe but no. im currently pregnant on our second and he says if i don't push this one out hes gonna walk out.
during this pregnancy hes started hitting me. a couple of weeks ago me and him argued for a couple of days. in the night he said he was on tinder so i slept down stairs, in the morning he sat across from me turned his phone screen towards me and was swipping loads of girls,i lost my head. i got upset and felt hurt. heres the boy who constantly tells me im fat,ugly,slut and i smell on a dating app while under my roof and whilst im pregnant with his son. i screamed at him,i went to throw something at him but i didn't, i went upstairs and packed his stuff brought the suitcase down and i said something to him as i walked past he slapped me in the face witch cause me to fall and gave me a black eye. hes gave me two black eyes whilst ive been pregnant. i was holding our lg and he strangled me and was slapping me before. im so scared of him,something in him has changed. if i say one thing hell snap and hit me. he told me it was my fault he was on tinder cause im fat and never spend time with him. witch isn't true! im constantly stuck in cause i have no friends,i have his family who are obviously gonna chose his side,there aware he hits me and doesn't do anything. even tho hes horrible to me i still want his attention and i want him to be nice to me,when he actually is nice and speaks to me i feel so privallaged.i feel like the mean girl in schools just let me sit with her (if that makes sense). but then hell be nice for a few days then go right back to being horrible. im on benefits and i let him use my card and i end up skint all the time but i feel like i do it so hell be nice to me (witch never happens)
yesterday we were suppoused to go to the cinema but we couldn't get a sitter so one of his friends came over instead and we had a pizza. i went to bed at 12 cause i was to tired. he came upstairs at whatever time and tried to cwtch me but i told him no,so h kicked off and told me to go to bed. i woke up and hed gone out. i stayed in waiting all day thinking he was gonna come home and take me out but no. he came in and i asked him did he catch any fish he just blanked me, i tried talking to him and all i got was 'shut up you tramp' i went upstairs and cried i came back down and said what the fuck have i done to you.he said he was done with me and im a slut and brought up my ex that i haven't been with in 3 years!! then he went back out. ive locked my door. i don't want him coming here,im sick of his childish ness. i don't have a phone,friends or family i sit in my house every single day doing the same routine but still i do something wrong! he said earlier to cause i didn't say thankyou for the pizza and apparently i push him away. ill have his mumwatch our lg,ill sit on my own all dressed waiting for him to come home and we go do date night but he wont come home. i end up going to sleep. he never spends time with me. i do go out sometimes with his mum wutch gets annoying i need friends not to be bumming around my 50 year old mother in law. i try and tell her what hes like but she doesn't do or say anything.i feel trapped. he didn't even take me to the first scan,or wont let me go to midwife appts cause he doesn't want me walking there when i tell him ill have the apt and ask if he can take me but instead he makes plans,he wont even feel the baby kicking. i feel like he doesn't care. earlier when we argued he threw a remote at me and a doll,luckily i was behind the banister. i ran upstairs shitting myself thinking he might hit me.
im petrified of him,hes never punched me but he does slap me. and two times when hes slaped me its gave me a balck eye,so i could only imagine what one of his punches would do to me. ive told my midwife hes hit me. i just wanna take my kids to floridabut im scared he wont let me and i know he wont let me. i feel trapped and scared.im so sorry ive rambled on. i just need to get this off my chest. has anyone else had a partner like this? how did you leave,and can i just take my kids? my lg has his last name and im still pregnant on our second im due in October.