I almost wish I had a referee overseoverseeing my relationship because once again dh and I have had a blazing row and now he's acting like nothing happened.
This sort of thing happens often but today was especially bad. I'm doubting myself now though. Please tell me, do I sound as unreasonable as he tells me I am? I'm starting to wonder if it's me.
I went into the garage to put a wash on (I do all the laundry and most of the housework). I couldn't get to the washing machine though because he'd dumped the spare car seat in front of it. It's normally in his car but is out at the moment and had been in front of his work bench which no one is allowed to put anything on or obstruct. It's the 4th time this week he's blocked the washing machine by piling stuff against the door because it's been left in the way of his workbench (which he never uses).
After moving it I went inside and said could he please not block the washing machine. I use it daily and it's really annoying. I was visibly irritated but not shouting and I was speaking politely and normally. He shouted. He said I was rude and aggressive and shouldn't have dumped the seat in front of his work bench. I said that the seat belonged in his car anyway and he said that I had no right to say what he should keep in his car, how dare I, etc. I walked away. He texted me some more insults (I was rude, aggressive and unbearable).
Half an hour later our 4yo fell over and cut her knee. She was very upset. As I was sorting her out our 2yo tried to cuddle her but she kicked hee leg out and he wobbled and fell. He wasn't hurt but crying from the shock. Dh was in the next room working out. Both dc sobbing on me at this point, one with a cut knee in need of a plaster. I called out that I needed some help. He didn't come (he was 6m away and could see us).
When the dc were calm and sorted I popped my head around the door and said "thanks for your help there". Yes i was a bit sarcastic. He went mental.
He shouted that he'd called out to ask if I needed help but I didn't answer (couldn't hear him I suppose over 2 crying dc on my lap). He said I'm unbearable, a sanctimonious , he threw a weight on the floor, he went on and on. I didn't reply. The dc were right there. All I kept saying as calmly as I could was "not in front of them, please, not in front of them". He didn't stop. I went to lead them both away just as he stormed out of the room. 4 yo tried to ask him a question and he slammed the door in her face. She burst into tears and ran to me for cuddles.
After a few mins I went in (kids busily occupied in a different room) and calmly told him that we weren't working, we were unhappy and I wanted a divorce. He didn't respond to that part - just began ranting again about how he does everything I want and I'm never happy, I'm unbearable, I'm impossible, etc. I walked away again.
Later on I was having lunch with the dc and he came in. He acted totally normally to them, chatting away as if nothing had happened. He blanked me.
After lunch our 2yo was unsettled. Dh decided he wanted to play outside but I knew he needed a nap. I said "come on, it's nap time" as dh put his shoes on. Dh said to himself "he's going in the garden you stupid fucking idiot" as he put shoes on dc.
I picked up dc and took him off for his nap. I'm in his room with him now and he's fast asleep.
I've already been to see a solicitor. I know what I need to do. But please tell me honestly whether I'm in any way overreacting. I am so upset and angry.
He's behaved like this towards me many times, but not in front of the children.