Been together 12yrs,2 children why wont he marry me !!!

[majic30]

Been with mr unromantic 4 12yrs, finally hes made a will after constant nagging,mainly for the children sake, Nothing has my name on it and he wants it left that way. i know he thinks i,l take him for every penny but im not like that.
He had a ONS 3yrs ago which really hurt me, as i was harrased by the person and eventually retaliated which was totally out of character.
I sometimes feel like packing my bags as he seems to live in his own little world building his little empire,all i want is a bit of commitement with someone who feels the same way, hes only ever told my he loved me when he got found out. Please can some one open my eyes!!!!!!

Thanks Fio,I M glad I am making some sense to someone. I was a bit worried about coming across as a mean old cow! (I'm not )

Without wishing to divulge even more personal details about our situation there are other very strong reasons why I should not marry my dp. Because of this I have felt the need to defend the general stance of not wanting to marry , although I am aware that what I have said may have hee haw in common with Majic's situation. I was uncomfortable with people jumping to conclusions about his personality and what provisions he would make in the event of a split.

Like you Fio I was young when I got married the first time and we built our home together. We both worked full time and had no kids.WE both started with nothing but after 7 years he was earning a fortune, and I was still doing low paid work in offices and restaurants. I insisted in leaving the marriage with absolutley nothing and made NO claim on his pension, our home, his business, or his earnings. That struck me as totally fair in our circumstances. His lawyer advised him to get me to put that in writing. I refused because I did not think lawyers should make a profit from our sadness.He knew the sort of person I was (am) and knew I would stand by my word. I say this not to boast but to point out that I think I have a very fair view of who should get what in a separation (involving me!)even if it means I get nothing. I absolutely recoil at the idea that those sort of decisions would be taken out of my hands under my present circumstances.

Majic has your dp been married before? Did he build his" empire" prior to meeting you, or is that how he sees it? Is it the financial thing (we have all been somewhat assuming this) which bothers you most or is it his unromantic nature and the fact you can't trust him after the ONS?

I think children change everything, and I don't think it is fair for a woman and her children to be entirely reliant on a man's mercy or indeed, whim, if he decided to run off with another woman or leave he relationship for any other reason. maic's partner's behaviour so far is strongly indicative that he would not make particularly fair provision in the case of a split. I do think that is wrong, yes. I cannnot imagine, personally, living with a partner and the father as my children as little more than a houseguest or poor relation, knowing that if he left me, I could be in dire straits unless he fancied taking care of me. But hey, Majic, what do YOU think?