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Original poster

What would you think?

17 replies

Watda · 07/07/2018 07:28

So my boyfriend is on holiday and flying back today. He has been away for nearly two weeks.

Yesterday he asked me if I wanted to come over Sunday night. I said I couldn’t come over as I am away for the weekend but could see him Monday night or any night next week.

He then said could he let me know, as he had a lot of unpacking to do. Confused

I don’t understand this. He wanted to see me tomorrow night and unpacking wasn’t a problem then when the date was on his terms. However as soon as he finds out I’m not around for one night, it is suddenly a problem to see me.

I could understand him being upset if I’d said I couldn’t come over because I had ironing to do but this is my friend’s hen do. I feel like he is either being spiteful because I’m away for one night or he is prioritising his washing over seeing me (to be honest he could do both at the same time).

Am I over reacting to be upset about this?

OP posts:
Coughy · 07/07/2018 07:30

Hes pathetic.
Its a conrol thing. It has to be his choice his upper hand. He doesnt really love you.

Coughy · 07/07/2018 07:32

Control*

Hassled · 07/07/2018 07:33

It does sound a bit spiteful - you can't drop everything and be there the day he's decided you should be there (even though it's him who has been away for a fortnight), so he's going to punish you by making you wait till he graciously allows you to visit. I'd ignore him - enjoy the hen do, see when he makes contact. And then see if you can be arsed with all the game-playing.

userabcname · 07/07/2018 07:33

How long have you been seeing him? Is he often petty in this kind of way? If he's usually fine then I'd let it go but if this is part of a pattern of similar behaviour I'd be having serious words / walking away.

BoiledFrog · 07/07/2018 07:36

He's probably disappointed not to see you and playing silly games by punishing you by not being available when you are free. I'd imagine he wants you to be all apologetic and beg to see him (this dynamic seems familiarGrin)

Play him at his own game, just say ok, no problem, let me know when you are free

Original poster
Watda · 07/07/2018 07:36

We’ve been together a couple of years and he has been a bit spiteful in the past but he’s always had a relatively convincing explanation

OP posts:
Coughy · 07/07/2018 07:37

Why are you even with him? He doesnt treat you well or witb respect. Id end it. So petty.

Singlenotsingle · 07/07/2018 07:42

He really expects you to believe he'll be unpacking ALL week? And for you to make the effort to go and see him when he says so? Tell him to come and see you when he's ready - but don't leave it too long cos you're a busy woman!

swingofthings · 07/07/2018 07:51

He's disappointed because he had hoped you'd missed him much and was waiting in anticipation to see him again as soon as he suggested a time. His response is to show you and himself that he isn't desperate to see you again.

Did he know you were away the week-end he was back? Was he good at communicating when he was away?

To be fair, when OH or I go away without each other, we can't wait to see each other again and I would have been a bit taken aback if he'd made last minute plan to be away when I was back and hadn't told me sooner.

category12 · 07/07/2018 07:57

A Hen night isn't a last minute thing.

He sounds like he's playing stupid games. I couldn't be arsed with it.

Original poster
Watda · 07/07/2018 08:12

I get that he is disappointed and wanted to see me (or more likely he is disappointed that the sex he imagined he would be getting has been delayed by a day). We are not married or living together and we don’t see each other other every day.

However, I have told him about this weekend previously and he doesn’t listen. Also, I’m not being funny but he is the one who has upped and left for the best part of two weeks. If waiting a day for him is a problem, what should my reaction to waiting 12 for him be?

I’ve told him to let me know when he is free and if I’m still free we can meet up. When I told him this he is the cheek to say ‘so it’s like that is it?’

OP posts:
Barbaro · 07/07/2018 08:18

I'd laugh at him and ask why he needs to concentrate that hard on washing clothes. It's hardly difficult, you don't do anything most of the time while it's in the machine or drying. Bit pathetic.

stevesmithsmum · 07/07/2018 08:23

Tell him that since unpacking is such a chore, you’ll let him get on with it and to text you when he’s finished and you can then arrange to meet.

Personally it sounds like bs. How hard is it to throw a bunch of clothes in the wash? Like five minutes?

Lollypop701 · 07/07/2018 08:24

Yes it’s like that... if that means you’re not playing his game.

LyndseyKola · 07/07/2018 08:27

You’ve been together two years, don’t live together and aren’t engaged, don’t see each other every day, are you happy? Some relationships are fine like this but it seems like you’re keeping each other at a bit of a distance considering how long you’ve been together.

category12 · 07/07/2018 09:12

Definitely couldn't be arsed with it.

Original poster
Watda · 07/07/2018 10:02

I am largely happy with the situation and how often we see each other. We both have complicated family lives so it has worked for us so far.

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