Is there anybody out there?

[columba6]

I can't sleep and just wanted to reach out.

My 18year marriage is on the buffers. My husband says he's got nothing left. There is no connection.

He's self employed and goes where work takes him so for most of our union he's worked away. Coming home at weekends.

He's gutted that he's not seen the kids grow up. They're 17 and 15.

He says he doesn't really know who he is. What he wants. He just knows he hates the life he lives. He's in therapy. If I mention I think he's depressed he disagrees. If I suggest seeing a GP, he won't go. Don't even think he's registered with one.

In practical terms I just keep my head down and function. Ensure kids are good. Go to work. Come home. Repeat.

I have no family aside from my kids. Friends are consumed with their own lives and I feel so alone.

I don't think he's tried hard enough to find work locally. If he really wanted to he would have. I think this single life suited him perfectly but with a family he just visits. For him to suddenly decide it's over it probably means there is someone else.

What is your life like op? Do you work or have any life outside of your kids?

Thanks for checking in.
He came home on Saturday so we could start talking. Heated discussions tbh. Tiring chats. Exhausting really.

I'm not sure I'm any the wiser for them. He's had to go back to work and is struggling at his end to focus on that.

I do work full time although off this week with school holidays. Life outside of work and kids doesn't really exist. Friends are all over the place geographically and no family of my own other than in laws. And I couldn't take any of this to them. They wouldn't understand. Live in a village where there's not much going on beyond 7pm at night and have no one to go to anything with or to pop round for a cuppa.

Do you have someone in RL to talk to about this?

I worry you are being pushed to the outskirts and no one is worrying about you and your needs.

There is two of you in your marriage and you both need to remember that.

Because of the kink activity am uncomfortable talking about it in RL. However, have scheduled to go see therapist later this week. Mainly to ensure, I'm emotionally strong enough, for whatever comes next. Fundamentally, beyond the kids, no one would care. Although OH says he always will care. But I suspect that's only cos he'd worry i was falling to pieces with the kids.

Just make sure you are looking after yourself, have you spoken any more? Sorry it's taking ages to reply I'm playing catching up after a week of sickness bugs with the dc.

What do you think you need and what do You think he needs? Is it something you can compromise on? Is the kinky sex the reason he's questioning everything or is it more the working away and missing out?

How much is he earning can he not just get any old job that lets him live with you again?

SilverLiningSomewhere
Have some counselling lined up individually and together.
I think there's a heap of stuff to compromise on. To find a way forward. The challenge is in him determining what is unhealthy coping (years of emotional pain buried under functioning) and what is a legitimate want. If that makes sense?
What I need is to know that I matter. To know that the power of "us" is stronger than any individual want.
He thinks he is unable to receive love. For lots of reasons. Stemming back to parental neglect and beyond.
He earns twice as much as I do but we have been trying to recover financially for a few years (like 10 years) which has out an inordinate amount of stress on us both let alone the day to day stresses.