Hello, I’m in dire need of some advice.
In a rather shocking turn of events I’ve just found out that my sister had a baby but is hiding it from her family. I’m not sure I would call her estranged, as she has still had contact with family during this time and there was no point of cut off, but she clearly doesn’t want anyone to know she was pregnant and now has a child.
This is obviously a very heartbreaking and confusing situation. My feelings are all over the place at the moment and I can hardly get my head straight. It’s just so unbelievable.
I’m caught in some strange moral dilemma, and I would love to hear what other people think, I’m not a parent myself so it’s hard to put myself in others' shoes.
First, I’m unsure if I should confront my sister about this. She has obviously kept me out of the loop for a reason, and I’m not 100% sure why that is, but perhaps I should just step back and leave her alone. However, I think the reason she has cut me out is she is afraid I’ll tell our mother.
I have a good relationship with our mother and I don’t know what to do about it. She is a grandmother and she doesn’t even know it! I feel like I have an obligation to let her know, I don’t even know how I can face her, with this piece of information, and willingly keep it from her.
But what good would it do to tell her? My sister wants to keep her out of her life, so our mother will never see this grandchild. This will probably destroy her! It will make this situation worse! And my sister would never forgive me.
On the other hand, if I don’t tell her it will tear me up inside and there is a good chance our mother will find out on her own, even further down the line, when the news will be even more devastating. I feel like I owe it to my sister to keep this a secret, but on the other hand, she never told me about it either so do I really owe her anything?
If she had told me that she had a child but that I must not tell our mother, then it would still be a moral grey area but I could at least try to understand and respect her point. But instead this news is now 100% my responsibility to deal with.
I feel very stuck in the middle with this information and I wish I could just erase it from my mind.
What do you think you would do in this situation? Would you try to talk it out with a sibling that obviously wants nothings to do with you? Would you tell your mother she’s now a grandmother? Or would you just sit on the information forever and let it eat you up inside?
I am literally losing sleep over this.