Doing it for the kids as a new cruelty

[Rapunzel26]

Anyone else experienced husband as using ‘for the good of kids’ as a way of dismissing your feelings and any loss on your part upon separation?

Yes it can be a manipulation ploy BUT sometimes it is for the good of the kids.
It depends on what they were actually referring to.

Yes it will be better for kids but it feels like a way of further annihilating me.

Like the disregarding and ignoring and not meeeing my eye. Now it’s as if OUR relationship was no loss and is no consideration because that is very painful - I am invisible as always.

Just to clarify things... who left whom?

My STBXW instigated our separation and I admit, on occasion, I've struggled to meet her eye. Not because the relationship was no loss and/or no consideration - quite the opposite, given she instigated, in my worst moments I tended to think that of her! - but because doing so was too painful.

In the earliest days, despite the carcrash that led to us separating, the image of her as my wife and best friend remained ingrained in my brain. It was like I had to physically stop myself from lapsing into "justthisguy the happy husband" because I'd been used to doing that for a decade. A bit like how, when you drive to work enough times, sometimes you end up unconsciously heading that direction when you actually mean to go somewhere else. Not looking at her tended to help. I accepted things were over. I didn't want to encourage feelings if I could help it.

If it's him who instigated, could well be simple shame/guilt. That's what it was/is with my STBXW, anyhow.