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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling and stuck in the middle

2 replies

beeefcake · 06/07/2018 15:27

My father has a problem with alcohol which has been going on for several years now. He won't drink every day, but will regularly drink on his own and get drunk to the point he can't speak or injures himself. He admits himself that he doesn't know when to stop, and over the years more and more people have stopped associating with him because of this behaviour.

My mother has put up with this for years, enabled it to some degree by trying to keep it secret, clean up the mess he makes etc. But has now reached breaking point. She has threatened to leave before but never followed through. She is now beginning to seek legal advice as she says she cannot live like it any longer, which is understandable.

Whilst I completely understand and respect my mothers decision I feel so conflicted as my father obviously has a problem, and I worry for him when she leaves as I believe he will self destruct (nothing I can do maybe but still not a nice prospect). What's more difficult is I am an only child so if she leaves him he will have nobody but me.

Right now I feel extremely upset and conflicted and honestly do not know what to do. Any advice would be welcomed thank you

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 07/07/2018 19:40

When you say conflicted what do you mean? Do you mean not wanting your mother to leave him because you don’t want to feel responsible for the mess your father may become? Neither you or your mother are responsible for your father’s choices, she couldn’t save him and neither can you. What can you do? Look after yourself and get support (contact Al Anon).

OliviaBenson · 07/07/2018 19:49

It's not really fair to condemn your mum to a life with an alcoholic. You should support her in this- your dad has made his choice and none of you are obligated to go along with that.

My dads ab alcoholic so I do get it. Your mum needs your support xx

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