After 3 sessions mediation with my soon to be ex has broken down. It seems that sticking to the agenda of a financial remedy order was not possible, instead the forum was used as an opportunity to bitch and snipe at each other.
On returning home our beautiful 9 year old looked at me hopefully as I shook my head. 'when will it be over Mummy?'
I am so mad. I had not intended to get 'hooked' by him but I did.
This is a man I loved totally once, I know he loved me, what are we doing?
I am not proud to be one half of a couple who cannot communicate without bitterness and resentment but I feel so ashamed at the deterioration of our behaviour.
Who cares anymore about the 'whys and wherefores' don't we both want to move on?
We would be together if we liked each other!
Our finances should be straight forward, our behaviour with one another is appalling.
The Mediator was useless, it was her job to keep us on point. Instead I feel I have spent a small fortune to argue with a man i know I don't get along with anymore. Insanity! The worst part is that the whole process is confidential, it is like it did not exist!
We are in a worse place than ever and back to square one.
I feel that when a couple decide to divorce and there are children then social services should be involved. Our behaviour should be as important as any financial agreement.
In fact I believe our 9 year old is emotionally mature enough to be in the room as a mediator, maybe we would behave better..
In a few years we will most likely be totally past this, the scars from our treatment of each other will be bedded into our daughter. She bites her nails and has some eczema. Generally she is a very happy loved child, the world through her eyes is a pretty cool place, loving her is the one thing my ex and I still have in common but she FEELS the sadness and she grieves our ability to be kind.
She loves us both, she gets hurt if either of us is unkind about the other. What right do we have to do that to her. We can both be kind to a stranger!
This whole process sucks. Family law is a joke in this area, the Mediator writes another big bill, the lawyers do the same, now, it seems in my case, the Courts will too, our daughter pays the bigger price.