Why won’t my husband help me with anything

[Gee91]

So I’m having a dilemma at the moment, not sure if I’m right or not and need advice please. I’ve been with my husband 11 years we have 2 beautiful kids and overall we have mostly been happy. One argument that always pops up is that he doesn’t think I do enough around the house (I do everything, cooking, cleaning, washing, Looking after kids, walking the dog etc) but he still moans that the house isn’t up to his standard! Now I work part time and he does work hard full time and sometimes long days and I’m not and never have expected him to go on a cleaning spree when he gets in or even on days off but he doesn’t even wash up after I’ve make dinner and bathed the girls all before work. I work 6pm-11pm 4 days a week. When I say he doesn’t do anything I really mean it, I even get him drinks all night. Yes I’ve probably created a monster by putting up with it for so many years but I’m now at breaking point mostly because he’s so disrespectful about what I do, yes sometimes the house isn’t spotless and there is rarely an empty washing basket but it’s in no way a complete mess! Am I right to think this way? There is absolutely no reasoning with him, he will honestly never believe that I am right so I don’t know what to do? Any advice or thoughts would be really appreciated, thank you

Stop doing it. Do the same cleaning in the house but anything of his put in a pile.

Wash your and DC clothes, get a separate basket and put his in there, unwashed. When he asks where his clothes are point to said basket.

Stop getting him drinks.

He’s lazy.

He sounds awful and lazy. I’m on maternity leave at the moment (normally I work full time though) so I’m not working at all right now. I do the childcare and the school run and then food shopping and cooking (which I always have), but even working 60 hours a week (he’s self employed), my dh does all the washing up, the gardening, does his own clothes, does bath time and bedtime with one dc (I do the baby). He also would never dream of complaining about how dirty the house is. Though I do the bulk of the cleaning (I am a lot more fussy about it than he is), if it was dirty enough to annoy him he’d just clean it. Why can’t he pick up after himself? There’s no reason he can’t share half the load when he’s not at work. It’s not a free pass to just sit on your ass.

He's a lazy pisstaking cunt.

My dsis had the same stuff. Mind you I don't think he criticised anything but she likes an immaculate house.
She has cleaners once a week. It is a big house. I won't go and stay with her for fear of dropping a hair somewhere.
Anyway point is, if he earns well and house isn't up to standard tell him to get someone in. And pay well obviously.
He's out of order.

If my husband complains about something I haven't done or not done well, I tell him to fuck off and do it himself if he's that bothered.

I don't mean this nastily but why would he help you?
You run around doing everything even down to getting him his drinks etc he sees that as your "job" now and you're slacking in his eyes. If you want it to change you need to work out what you will do (a share of general cleaning, some cooking etc with him cooking and doing x y and z chores on his days off) and tell him straight that you're no longer doing everything and if he doesn't like it he can hire someone (part time housekeeper or cleaner) to do his share because it's not on.

He sounds like my ex. I was in exactly the same position as you but wasn't married and rent my own place so it was easier to split. It's been a blissful 3 years since we split. He actually ended up cheating but I'm glad that happened now. It's not fair on you to be treated like a slave ! Gain some power back on your life and take control. If I ever get a new partner I will make sure we work as a team. Good luck with your situation.

Start by stopping his drinks unless of course it’s reciprocated
He doesn’t respect you and that’s clear by the criticism. I would politely say next time he brings it up is if he isn’t happy then he can help. You work part time and do everything in the house and it’s not fair.
(Sounds like my house but he won’t criticise as he knows I will stop)

No way

My x was like that. Im sorry but your h is nasty.

Ive never got my dh a drink. I’m not his servant, and neither are you. Stop that immediately. You seemed to have overindulged him, and next time he wants a drink, point him to the kitchen.
If the cleaning isn’t up to his standards he can show you how it’s done. I bet he can’t even do any of it.