Hi everyone, I'd love some advice about my relationship because I'm not sure anymore whats the right thing to do... sorry about the lack of abbreviations I'm new to this and not 100% sure what they all mean
Im 36 and hubby is 38, I've been with hubby since '01, have a 7yo autistic daughter, we've had some stressfull ups and downs throughout the years but have got through everything so far... until recently when the cracks are starting to show. For quite a few years I've been battling depression which is under control but now on top of that in the past year or so I was struggling with various things that turned out to be ME & Fibromyalgia and I've noticed we just seem to be drifting apart and I think its my fault.
Hubby only works a few hours a week because he's the primary carer for our daughter with autism, I work 3-4 days a week part time to help him where I can, in the past 4 years he's lost an auntie to pneumonia, his close cousin in a car crash, we lost my step-dad to pneumonia suddenly and both his grandparents to dementia, his dads now got dementia too and my ME & Fibro sometimes makes me foggy headed and forgetful and clumsy almost like I have dementia too and the strain on him is starting to show. I just can't support him the way I want too because I know Im part of the problem.
Our sex life has always been a bit of an issue because his drive is higher than mine, but him watching stuff on the internet doesn't bother me so its never been a big issue as such but again its taken even more of a dive because of the pains i get over the past year and I hate to admit but I've been putting on weight because the ME & Fibro means I'm not as active and I'll admit I have been comfort eating a bit, I'm just scared he's going to just either not find me attractive anymore and cheat or walk out or something because I've become so useless, Its a strange thing to say but I've even considered letting him see an escort to get his jollies when I cant help as I know hes getting frustrated with me saying no all the time and its even more-so when I'm really bad because I don't want him to see one behind my back or cheat.
We've always had our differences like some interests etc and its never been a problem but as we don't do many hobbies together, we never have really because we prefer our own time now I wonder if its a curse because I look now and I wonder what is really holding us together especially now.
We've tried talking but we don't really seem to get anywhere, we both acknowledge its hard for us both in different ways but cant find a way to improve things because he's busy caring for everyone and everything, when I'm not at work I'm usually laid up, and in the evenings he's knackered either mentally or physically and just wants a break.
I feel a failure as a wife because I dont really know what Im bringing to the relationship anymore apart from a burden. I feel like ending our relationship just because it would set him free from me and that would be the kindest thing to do for him as it would be one less thing to worry about and care for.