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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband leaving me

12 replies

C1air3 · 06/07/2018 00:29

I am struggling and wondering if anyone else has experienced this. I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 4. We have been so happy, best friends and really happy, always telling each other we love one another and enjoying each other’s company. I have been poorly and am waiting on a hysterectomy, I have just spent a week in hospital, hubby was texting loving messages all the time and was telling me he missed me so much. I came out of hospital on Sunday evening and on Monday he picked a row over something stupid.... tues he ignored me all day and then told me he was leaving me. He said that he loves me but can’t live with me.... he blames me for being bossy and not allowing him to have a mind of his own. This has come out of the blue, only a couple of days earlier he was crying to my son as he was worried about my health. We have had a tough few months with having to find a house as our landlord sold the house we were living in, we lost our kitten with a tragic accident, money has been tight, we decided on another kitten and last week our dog hurt the kitten and broke it’s jaw... causing worry as well as a huge vet bill. Following this I was taken ill and I think he is worried how he will cope He’s saying he loves me, I am sure he does.... he has said there’s i one else, I honestly don’t think there is... I think he’s having a breakdown. He is cold and not his usual jolly self, he said he feels there’s nothing in him and he needs to leave as he is stressed.
He is saying it like it’s a final break and can’t come back from it. I want to help and support him but I don’t know what’s best.
Thank you for reading x

OP posts:
Jonbb · 06/07/2018 00:47

It sounds as though it's all about him really. Shouldn't he be supporting you, not the other way round? I don't know what else to say.

Original poster
C1air3 · 06/07/2018 06:40

I know, I feel really let down but it’s so out of character for him so I really think there’s something wrong.

OP posts:
Noboozeforme · 06/07/2018 07:07

There will be another women. Similar thing happened here. Thought he was having a breakdown.. it was another women. There always is.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Colabottle10 · 06/07/2018 07:40

It's always another woman. Imagine you being in hospital gave him the opportunity to make an emotional affair physical.

You need to stop thinking about him and his needs and start being selfish. Get organised. Sounds like you don't own a house, but what's the deal with money etc?

Don't do the pick me dance. His decision, he needs to own it. Kick him out.

SoapOnARoap · 06/07/2018 07:49

It’s not always another woman, such a lazy answer always rolled out too easily

Original poster
C1air3 · 06/07/2018 07:53

Thank you for saying that, i am not kidding myself I just know him so well, there’s no secrecy.... been there and done that years ago. I am certain it’s not another woman. He called this morning and asked if he can come to the GP with me today me, he said he recognises there is something wrong.

OP posts:
onanothertrain · 06/07/2018 12:52

Are you bossy and not allowing him to have a mind of his own?

columba6 · 06/07/2018 13:00

Fight or flight and sounds like he chose flight. Sounds a stressful time and illnesses for mums are just never factored in. Their order is thrown out if we're not there to do what we always do.
Can't say if there's anyone else. For your sake, I hope not. Maybe he needs time and space. Massive generalisation here, but man nature slower. Having kids seems to force women to mature quicker. Mean are good few years behind.
Similar situation here. 18 years married (23 together) and all I'm getting is "I've nothing left". Like that's an option!!
Hope it works out but look after yourself regardless.

Orlandointhewilderness · 06/07/2018 13:02

I've known this before and it turned out the man in question was depressed. no other woman in sight and after a gp trip he started improving and all is well now.

redfairy · 06/07/2018 13:05

It's not always another woman but it is likely. It all sound terribly familiar to many of us which is why we are saying it. Anyhoo, regardless of whether there is someone else or not...he wants out so let him go. Get organised like Colabottle10 says.
FWIW I know how gutwrenching this can be so my heart goes out to you Flowers

HyacinthsBucket70 · 06/07/2018 13:11

This must be horrendous for you.

My only thought from reading your post is that when you need him the most, he's backing away. And do you do that to someone you love?

Right now, honestly, I'd let him go. And concentrate on yourself with as much love and support as you can get from others around you.
Then when you are feeling better and stronger, you will have the strength to reboot and see if your marriage can be saved Flowers

Original poster
C1air3 · 06/07/2018 13:59

We went to the gp together today and he admitted he’s struggling. We are going to counselling together

OP posts:
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