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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Living with the ex

6 replies

Jaynedoe99 · 05/07/2018 22:09

We split up 8 months ago. We have two sons. 2 years old and 1 year old. I can't move. A) no rentable places i want will accept me on benifts. And how could I afford the deposits anyway B) the council will only offer me a high rise flat. ( I'm sorry if I sound stuck up but I refuse to move into one, I would not feel safe and already suffer anxiety and depression, I think it would spiral into suicidal thoughts. I already know id rather die than to to move my children to one, it's where I've been brought up to see as the rough places and typically see the rough folk around the area too (god I sound like a stuck up cow)

My ex isn't financially helpful other than what he HAS to give For the children.

We get along enough to live daily (argue most weekends when we are in the house more and cross paths) with split lives so we hardly ever cross other than to have the children off the other one etc as if we weren't living together. He's also an arse who won't move as it's technically his house as single named on mortgage. He's now asking I move or pay rent which just isn't available in my financial situation. If I move I get help with rent. 75% of the real world amount of rent though. So it's gonna be tight.

I can feel the tension is building and tbh though he's never physically abused me I believe he would hit out if it got heated as he's cornered me Before.

I'm stuck on what to do. Even all the furniture is his. How can I escape this hell of stuck in the past with no way to move on. I've wanted to move from the start. I don't like him one bit. Unfortunately I would have moved In with family but none have room for three of us. :( I also have no reliable proper friends to fall on either.

Sorry long post. Just hope someone can help.

OP posts:
Jaynedoe99 · 05/07/2018 22:09

I work 27 hrs but get a top up of universal credit

OP posts:
pog100 · 05/07/2018 22:13

Are you married? That affects whose house it is of course and all the other assets.

Jaynedoe99 · 06/07/2018 06:54

No we are not. We were engaged. That's as far as we got.

OP posts:
Blueredhead · 07/07/2018 21:57

Anyone? Please

NotTheFordType · 07/07/2018 22:03

If I move I get help with rent. 75% of the real world amount of rent though. So it's gonna be tight.

Have you worked out what his child maintenance payments would be?

You cannot carry on like this. As it stands he could effectively evict you without notice anyway.

What are your childcare arrangements? Could you potentially up your hours?

Blueredhead · 07/07/2018 22:14

Sorry for the name change. Makes it confusing..

I have yes. But I think he would ask for 50/50 even though that's not something I'd be happy with right now they are very young. And then he wouldn't have to pay anyway?

He's a bit of a tight fist with money. So he'd crawl his way out if it any chance he can get.

My childcare arrangements are 3 days nursery on mornings. One day with their dad and other with my mom. I work all 5 mornings. If I up my hours my benifts get dropped. So effectively this does nothing for income. (I'm not refusing to work more, just simply stating either way it changes nothing financially) I'd have to double my hours at work. Which means double nursery fees. Which is nearly as much as I earn tbh.

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