How to help him move on

[LoveAtFirstSight]

Ive recently ended my relationship with my ex of 6 years. I met someone else, had one drunken kiss and ended things with my ex.

I know that this makes me the bad guy, i didnt mean for it to happen, but the feeling i had when i met this guy is unlike anything ive ever felt before.

Dp knows i kissed him, but was wanting to work through it. For menit was very clear i had checked out of the relarionship long ago, just hadnt realised it until now.

So ex has been completely blindsided and is struggling, while i feel relief.

I do feel really bad for the whole situation, i hate that hes hurting but at the same time i know 100% it was the right decision.

But exdp has been sending me messages, leaving me letters when i go round to get my stuff, being quite manipulative, telling me what a horrible person i am, how ill regret This all, and he can say this for certain because he knows me better than i now myself. Calling me shallow for being flattered by attention. Telling me how much his family are struggling with it all.

I understand that hes hurting and im trying to ignore it, but at what point do i get a bit harsh and tell him to stop contacting me? I feel like its bordering on harassment now.

Ex doesnt know it but i am now seeing the guy that i fell for, he felt the same way about me and i want to see where this could go. Im starting to think it might help ex move on if he knew this, or would telling him be twisting the knife too much?

Tbh its just reminding me that he was always quite manipulative with things, always able to twist my words so i was never in the right, even when i was in the right, and always knowing better than me.

But im also aware that right now, im the one thats hurt him and want to help him move on.

How is the best way to act?

You ask when is the time to get firm and say enough is enough.

Now. Its now. Do you have any reason at all to still be in contact with your ex? Like property, kids, etc?

If not, then send him a final message that very clearly says that he is not to contact you again, then block him on every platform.

It's in neither of your best interests to continue this. It doesn't matter if you were "the bad guy" and want to make this easier for him - the kindest thing for both of you is to cease all contact.

Maybe in the future you can be friends. But not now and maybe not ever.

Block him everywhere and move on.

You can’t be the one to help him move on, you’re too close. You’re the one who cheated on him. Only he can move on, but it takes time. And continued contact with you won’t help.

I’m not gonna castigate you for cheating but your comment of I know that this makes me the bad guy, i didnt mean for it to happen, but the feeling i had when i met this guy is unlike anything ive ever felt before. is pretty sickening. Yes, cheating is bad. No, you did mean for it to happen unless you were so drunk it was non consensual. Dropping a plate is something you didn’t mean to do, kissing someone else while in a relationship is not that. And justifying it with ‘but I’ve never felt like this about anyone before’ is gross. You’re an adult, not a lovestruck teen, who was committed to someone else. Stop trying to justify it by making it seem like starcrossed lovers.

Your ex is better off without you, he’ll see this in time. For both of your sakes, cut contact now.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" and repeat as many times as necessary.

How much more stuff do you have at "his"? Can you not just go buy a new toothbrush/t-shirt/vibrator and cut the fucker off completely?

It is not your job to help him move on.

You should have split up with him long ago because he's a dick. The fact that you snogged someone doesn't stop that being true.

Now is the time to block and move on yourself.

If you must play the martyr then tell yourself that only by being harsh and ending all contact will he understand that it is genuinely over and start moving on.

Telling him you are seeing the new guy is not going to help at all.

Get all your stuff and cut contact with your ex. He needs to move on, you can't help and shouldn't try to help him.

Ive got the last of my stuff now, have my share of money to take out of the joint account and then thats everything.

Hes deleted me off all social media which is fine, but not sure what to do all of his family that i still have on facebook etc. It seems harsh for me to delete them all but i suppose i have to.

Btw i know what i did was wrong, and i know that never feeling anything like with this new guy sounds sappy, but im just trying to explain how it all came about. Im being honest when i say this is the first time ive felt like this, and ive had a few relationships in the past, so not just comparing to my most recent ex.

Stop beating yourself up. You didn't have 6 month affair or even a one night stand. You kissed someone, realised you had to break up with your bf and did so. You are not the world's worst person.

Have a word with yourself about all this extra drama you are conjuring up.

You broke up under fairly normal circumstances. Now back away from him and his family and live your new life guilt free.