DH against me getting contraception sorted

[LongerThanEver]

Just having a conversation to DH and mentioned that tomorrow at my GP review, I will be asking for a coil.

He is completely against it. Says why when you probably won't get pregnant again anyway (I have a through fertility issues but can easily just take the once, one time, as everyone knows)

He said "fine then, but you won't ever get pregnant again" I said it isn't a hormonal contraceptive, it won't impact my current level of fertility. He's adamant it doesn't matter.

He says "You know how I feel about it, I don't want you going on contraception. You know I'd like a sibling for our baby".

I said but that baby isn't even 1 yet, why would you risk another pregnancy so soon

He said well that's just the way it is.

I said well you'd be the first to complain if I had an abortion due to unplanned pregnancy that I didn't want. He said "I wouldn't be complaining, that would be the end of us. Why the fuck would a married couple abort a baby". I said because it isn't the right time, things happen, circumstances change.

He said I must be the worst Catholic ever if that's how I feel. I said I'm not strictly a Catholic, I believe a woman has a right to choose what to do with her own body (for contexts, he isn't Catholic).

I asked "Well why would you want to put me in that position. I suffered terribly with HG (pregnancy sickness) throughout. I don't want that again.

I'm not saying never, put how I feel at the moment is that I don't want any more children. I'm prepared to revisit the topic in 2/3 years but until then, it's a definite no.

He's really pissy about it.

But he's not hands on with DS at all and usually isn't much interested in giving him his time as he 'works too hard' and 'needs some down time'

He says I just can't believe you wouldn't consider how I feel. I said I have, but considering what you feel doesn't mean going along with what you want. This is after all, me who would be carrying another pregnancy.

He said "well I'm not saying that".

I think he is

He's now in one of those moods where it isn't a mood exactly, but the dynamic feels different and his tone seems different. Not rude or hurtful, just different.

It's so draining and I can't be bloody arsed. I very stupidly haven't been on contraception since the baby was born and I'm acting on that ASAP because I do not want another baby and don't feel like I should have one just because it's what he wants.

I'm drained

wow. This is straight out of the 1950s. I am genuinely shocked that couples have conversations like this in the present day.

So let's get this straight: he has these very strong opinions about what you should be doing with your own body, despite not having a clue how contraceptives work?

Has he not heard of the internet?

I don't think his issue is with contraception, his issue is very much with being the one in control of you and your body. He doesn't respect you, he views you as his property to use and control.

^ this x100

Well he's solved the contraception problem all by himself surely-why the fuck would you want sex with him from the description you've given...?

I guess he is also one who doesn't like using condoms?

I wouldn’t trust him with condoms.

Get the contraception tomorrow.

Any other discussions are secondary to that.

'The fact that you don't understand basic biology is not a reason to risk a pregnancy that I am not ready for. I will be going on contraception or we will not be having sex until I feel ready to bear another child and you have demonstrated you're willing to be an equal parent. If you can't respect that then we have serious issues to sort out before even entertaining the notion of another child.'

He's a controlling dick and a bloody idiot. Sorry Op, you don't deserve it and it must be very difficult to manage.

Absolutely get your contraception sorted as a priority. It doesn't have a thing to do with him.

I too remember the last thread
Get the contraception sorted tomorrow, don't let him put you off...then have a good, long think about what you want to do.

Jailer, sexual controller, headworker and badfather there in Freedom Programme terms.

I'd consider doing the FP course (group or online) but not before you get your coil in. I'd be getting that in ASAP, tomorrow if possible.

I know you love him OP but you would be seriously silly to consider more kids with this man unless he changes his ways or gets some form of help.

He sounds like a lazy, self-centred pillock

When you see your GP, tell her what you have said here.

There really is nothing to discuss. You don't want another baby yet and from his behavior I would say don't do it at all.
Any man who doesn't respect his partners choice especially so soon after the first is being a dick....

Normally I would say discuss again 6 months or a year from now but I have a feeling he will wear you down. Whatever contraception method you do end up using make absolutely sure that it cannot be tampered with.

Controlling tendencies, you think! You need to read your OP back because do you want to spend the next 30 years with someone who’s default position is to think about himself and having to ‘win’ him round on fundamental subjects?

Given his attitude I think abstinence is the appropriate way to ‘sort’ contraception. Urgh, the idea of such a selfish wanker even looking in my direction would make my skin crawl let alone, mixing bodily fluids.

If I were to give him the benefit of the doubt (if) I'd say perhaps because of your fertility issues he might be thinking that a chance pregnancy would be a bonus no matter when it happens BUT the overriding factor here is that you don't want to to take that chance at the moment because you have a young baby and you know you'll be doing most of the caring because he's a hands off Dad. I think you should go ahead and get the coil. It's in no way permeant and can be removed at any time. Don't let him stop you from doing what's right for you and your body. He might think an unplanned pregnancy would be fine but if you don't then you need to take control and do what's best for you. He'll just have to accept it.

He doesn’t get to decide what you do with your body. The fact he thinks he does is worrisome. He sounds pretty shit, actually.

You don't need to tell him or ask his permission to be on contraception it is your body. Go to doctor and sort out your contraception asap, you have already decided the time is not right for another child.

Wow. His attitude is appalling.

Before you tried to conceive your little one, did you use any contraception?

Geesh he sounds horrific I would get rid! People take contraceptives for lots of different reasons such as to regulate or miss out periods

He is a controlling arse and you are wise to not want another child at the moment. I doubt he will change and I guess it depends how much of his behaviour you think is acceptable for you to remain in the marriage. I would find his behaviour totally unacceptable.

Tell him it's his turn to give birth next with all the things that come with it.

No ?

Then he can fuck off.

But he's not hands on with DS at all and usually isn't much interested in giving him his time as he 'works too hard' and 'needs some down time'

Why hasn't he been pulled up on this?
It would have been the first thing i'd have thrown at him the second he mentioned 'sibling' for dc.

manipulative fucker doesn't deserve the child he has let alone any more!

Be wary. What will he be like when you have all the children he wants and won't help you take care of, possible dependant on him for money and no support from your family cause he has cut you off from them?

This man is always going to be hard work. Do you want a lifetime of 'managing' him so you can live a life you and ds enjoy?

If you have tonnes of spare emotional energy, squander it on this man, if not, leave.

He wants control of your fertility. Sounds like something out of a Margaret Attwood novel. I would be very wary of him.

Its coercive control and reproductive coercion.

He can be prosecuted for coercive control now.