DH thinks suffering is normal and should be expected

[mumofonetod]

Hi peeps,

I think i'm going crazy OR i'm extremely heartless, but my DH of 3 years (together for 10) seems to think that our relentless arguments and realising we have grown miles apart is normal in a marriage, and that I should expect to feel shit for 10 years before things get good. Apparently it's supposed to be 10 years of pain for a lifetime of enjoyment, whereas I just want out so I can feel happy again and not walk on eggshells. Am I just a cop-out?

My stbxh is South Asian (I'm not), and it is ingrained in their culture that the woman is basically a fucking slave, and there to service her husband's needs. I was expected to work full time, look after the kids, do all the cooking, cleaning and washing, while he sat on his fucking arse, and if he mowed the lawn he expected a fucking medal and I'd never hear the end of it. He won't change, and trust me it will get much much worse, and you will, like me, end up hating his guts.

t's so difficult because he hasn't done anything extreme like cheated or hit me etc,

Millions of woman-years of suffering have been enabled by this statement.

It's wrong on every level.

Enjoy your wine lass and then make your plans.

Simply put, he's not good enough to be your husband.

he sounds like a 'stereotypical' asian man....
they pretend to accept you as you are when you're just partners so they can continue getting laid, enjoy the benefits of living a 'westernised' lifestyle and to get their hooks into you. Religion and culture are conveniently ignored.....
but once married they revert back to the hypocritical, chauvanistic bullies they actually were all along.
suddenly they find religion again, their 'culture' becomes important again-and you're expected to fall in line with this change .......

It was so good until we got married why did things have to change
Because marriage or babies is when most abusive arseholes reveal themselves.
Just like this one has.
He's abusive and it's doesn't have to be physical to be just that!
You know what to do.
Get out of there and get back to being YOU again!

100% agree with what heebiejeebie said. And I'm asian myself

Then let him suffer through a divorce. Sock it to him!

What tin pot internet site did he dredge that idea up from? It's bonkers

OP I feel for you for selecting an idiot for a husband but this has nothing to do with being Asian.

You will get this type in any culture.

The only way to have a happy relationship is for both parties to do their best to make the other one happy. He isn't really trying. In fact he's doing his best to make you unhappy! It's just never going to work!