How do I forget this?

[Mumtotwo2321]

Was looking for some female advice if possible.

Few years back I worked with a guy we got on great, I had a partner so was purely friendship, however I wont lie that I thought he was gorgeous. Anyway we worked close together for maybe 3 years, then I left. I never spoke to him maybe over a year then he came into my new work(casino/bar)with a date and we exchanged numbers etc. Just to keep in touch. Anyway few nights after we texting catching up on gossip etc. And he finally tells me he's crazy about me and always has been. I knew straight away I felt same, but I wouldn't dare be one say it first. Again I wasn't single so I said it's not good time so stepped back and never contacted again. I tried just forget my feelings but I knew they were still there. Another year past and we bumped into each other again. I am not single but been in a terribly emotionally abusive relationship from I was 16, I'm now 30...... I know I need deal with this relationship but this guy brought Wee bit happiness and excitement back. Anyway after meeting a few times and us both admitting we had relationships but we wanted each other, we were to come clean and try. We never cheated or done anything except meet(I know still wrong). I hadn't spoke to my partner yet due to sheer fear and part guilt too, he did speak to his gf and she was not impressed. She said if he left her she'd kill herself etc. 2 weeks later he went very distant barely contacting me, ignoring my msgs etc, so backed away and he never contacted me for maybe a month. I had no idea what the hell was going on. He called me and explained the girl was pregnant and she intends to keep. He's from Africa and advised his mum pressured to stick by girl. He did and I know he was hurt. Now he's a dad (I already have 2 kids) and still with the girl a year and a half later. I Know deep down I wouldn't trust him again due to way he turned cold and left me hanging wondering what was going on. However I still can't help wondering about what if?? I don't know if it's because my relationship is terrible and I'm praying for a new life, or do I still love this guy?? Last week he called me after all this time? I text to say why? Apparently was accidental? Was on snapchat tho? Anyway I end up giving him piece of my mind, he sent big message apologising saying If he could've changed things he would've (obv not his baby). Now I can't get him out my bloody head again. How do I forget him? He was just so different in many ways. Thanks and sorry it's so long.

Why are you still with your abusive partner? You don't need someone else lined up to leave. It's ok to be alone.

Finish with your abusive partner and then you can start dating available men. There are lots around and you don't need to complicated your life with them. The type of men who try it on with attached women aren't they right type of men.

I was going to leave him at new year I thought new start, then my dad took really poorly he's still in hospital 6 months later, he has cancer it was a massive blow, I lost my mum when I was 7 so am very close to my dad. Anyway he knew I was leaving I said I can't take this anymore am so unhappy, even if he changed I know it's never gonna make me happy. However he became supportive (although letting his guard down at times) I became even weaker no one else helps with my dad I've always looked after him, I didn't and don't feel strong enough. I'm starting to write stuff down and hopefully get a plan going.

That's the thing though he never tried it on not once, we even had work nights out etc and he knew I wasn't single and really never tried. Only told me his feelings after a long while out contact. Your right though there are plenty others and I don't think I could cope with another man already. I just want forget him it's that part I'm struggling with x

Firstly, leave your abusive partner. Start moving forward in life independently, find your own strength and happiness.

Then, if things are meant to develop with this man you will be free to explore that, but the chances are you will probably meet somebody new.

Your happiness dies not hinge off this one man, or any man for that matter! Sort yourself out and find happiness, the right partner will follow when you are ready.

What do you need to do to leave your current relationship?

@RabbitsAreTasty

@RabbitsAreTasty sorry sent too fast. I think it's just fear that's stopping me and weakness. I didn't have the best of childhoods, always looking after the parents then my grandparents, when I met him I was 16 and he was first person to look after me felt amazing!!! There was always warning signs when I looked back, but I always took it as he was very protective and I loved that. Well I thought I did. I just don't know how take first steps, I go over it in my head everynight barely able sleep, but still can't bring myself to do it.

Try talking to Women's Aid and doing the Freedom Programme. That will help you work out what to do.

I would advise to look after yourself and your children.

WA: 0808 2000 247

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk - they will help you untangle all of this and help you build a foundation for a different, better future.

I fit were me, I'd be wanting to leave while my dad was still alive. I cannot see how it will be anything other than much harder if you delay.

An abusive man's "support" is just the tightening of the noose he has around you.

If you focus on leaving - and do not warn him this time - and building your life for yourself for the first time (freedom programme will give you the tools to do that) then you will forget about this man. I think you're only focusing on him as a distraction from the other stuff going on, and to avoid facing up to it all.