Same old story, Found messages on dp phone

[VioletPickles]

I found a chat thread on my partners phone on What's app. All the messages had been deleted but the name still appeared in the chat list.

We don't hide passwords, and he has full access to my phone should he want to. He does keep a pretty close guard over his phone, takes it the loo etc.

Anyway on Tues morn I saw this chat. No messages, just name. I then had to go out. When I came back I asked who this girl was.

He point blank lied, said I was imagining it, he didn't know what I was talking about. He had deleted her name from the chat list, and pretended it had never been there. I find this particularly cruel.

Eventually he said he lied because it was nothing and he deleted messages because it was just friendly chat. It's a girl from work, 10 yrs younger than me.
He said it had just been going on a few day's, and they'd exchanged about 20 messages.

How on earth can i believe him. Or trust him again? He talks to this woman for work, although he says he never sees her. All trust has gone. I feel broken. I want to believe him but I'm. So fucking angry with him. For jeopardising what we have.

Where to go from here? Thank you if you got this far...

He's lying op!

Imagine this; you have a work acquaintance with whom you casually exchange 20 or so boring, everyday messages - no drama, nothing to see here folks - and at end of your couple of days chatting about the weather you delete all those messages. On being asked about it you then delete their name from your chat list, deny they ever existed, then confess that they did in fact exist but that the deleted messaged were along the lines of "hey, how's u?".

Um.... no.

You'll know when you've got the truth because it will be a story worth hiding. Personally I would give him the chance to tell it; tell him it will be over, it has to be over if you can't trust him, but that if he tells you something so awful you understand why he lied then you may just have a chance... his only chance.

Then see what he comes out with. I doubt very much he'll fess up, then you just have to decided if you can live with the lack of trust.

Does not sound good OP
if it’s innocent then why would it be deleted in the first place ?

He’s lying.

I’m so sorry but I think, from your thread title, you know what you have to do

I haven't tried this myself, but a quick Google suggests that you might be able to get deleted Whatsapp chats back.
www.makeuseof.com/tag/accidentally-deleted-whatsapp-chat-history-heres-get-back/

Argh he's an idiot. I hate the gaslighting that goes with this:

"But if it's so innocent why did you delete them?"

"Because I knew you'd be weird about it. Here, look at how you're behaving now for proof."

"But I'm only being like this BECAUSE you lied and deleted them - it makes it look like you're covering something up."

"But I told you it's nothing. See, you don't even trust me. Can't you see why it's simpler to delete when you don't ever believe me?"

"But I wouldn't be paranoid if you didn't lie and backtrack. You said I'd imagined it then changed your story"

"Yes you would, you've always been like this. You're jealous of any woman I talk to. I know why, it's because Bob cheated on you, but it makes it impossible to let you know that I even speak to another woman. Sure I was stupid to delete it I won't don't again. "

And somehow you're left feeling it's down to your insecurities and they were just clumsily trying to spare your feelings by deleting. Ha. Don't buy it.

Ask for his phone.
Restore the whatsapp content from the SIM. And read/ screenshot.

If it's really innocent, he'll have no issue with this and even be anxious to prove you are wrong, no?

Ask him for his phone.
Tell him you know how to restore deleted whatsapp messages and it will put your mind at rest to read them.
I can assure you, when he knows you can restore (although you may not be able to, but he doesn't know that) that he won't let you near his phone!
I assume you aren't married?
Do you have DC together?
If not then this is a no brainer!

What @hellsbellsmelons said.

Thank you ladies, the advice as always is completely spot on. And no I don't trust him. But we have a 2yr old together, who is poorly. I hate him for ruining our family. He says his phone is broken... So I can't restore any messages...

Broken? ha ha ha ha. LTB.

What a coincidence that’s it’s broken on the night you’ve asked to see it!

Tell him if he doesn’t hand over the phone the relationship is over.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Does he have an iPhone? WhatsApp has the option to backup chats. Not sure if it’s the same for all phones but my iPhone does. Settings/chats/chat backup, you can then logon to the iCloud and download the chat history. If he’s got nothing to hide then he’ll obvio be more than willing to show you this harmless chat.