going around in circles

[notthisagain83]

I love my DP and i know he loves me BUT we just can’t seem to sort an age old argument out that has some up yet again...

He spent 16 years with someone who never touched him and who used lack of affection as punishment and he thinks I’m doing the same I’m sick of being punished for her.

I've been super stressed recently and i haven't been as touchy feely as i usually would be.. esp in the bedroom.. He says this makes him feel rejected and THE MINUTE he feels like this he takes away ALL affection.

I'm not withdrawing bedroom stuff to punish him or because i don’t "want" him I’m simply not in the mood because I’m stressed.... so he withdraws completely and I’m left feeling he doesn't want me and we are going around in circles and I don’t know where to go from here.

You are both right but this is a standstill.

You both need to make a step in each other's direction.

Maybe he can create the conditions to reduce some of your stress or momentarily forget about it - hotel room??? - but you need to shed some inhibitions too.

It might not sound romantic nor erotic at first but the downside seems even worse.

Yes i really dont want to break up but i also can not have this same argument again.. He can't see past me not using it as a punishment and that its impossible for me or anyone to be in the mood 24/7...

He could easily put me in the mood but WONT..

Im not doing it on purpose but i feel like he IS

Im not doing it on purpose but i feel like he IS

He is the one withholding affection, not you.

He is trying to coerce you into having sex by witholding affection, you are simply being a normal human being whose desire ebbs and flows with life.

I would question whether it was actually him who behaved like this in the previous relationship, not his ex. If it really was him, he is using it as an excuse to behave badly. If It really hurt him that much, why is he now doing it to you?

It sounds upsetting for you OK, this type of thing makes me boil for you as I have been in a similar situation where ex used his past experiences to justify his poor behaviour and it's taking a lot of time to relearn healthy relationship attitudes.

That's my point SemiAquaticEggLayingMammal... why does he feel the need to it to me knowing how it makes him feel!

His argument is that we have been through this before and I know how it make him feel and therefore it make me worse than she was! Im not doing it on PURPOSE...

He is mostly super affectionate and by nature i am not but i understand how important this part of a relationship is for him and i have adapted because i love him but sometimes just sometimes the stress of everyday live makes me NOT want to be all over him all of the time. He's so insecure its driving me mad.