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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Please give me some advice

18 replies

Inexperiencedchick · 05/07/2018 12:27

Good day everyone.

Here for an advice and some perspective if possible...

Dating someone, and it was beautiful up until yesterday...
We had a chat on the phone and he mentioned he lent his keys from his place, to a friend to have sex... on the same bed we share...
we don’t live together but have been dating for a while now...
I felt sick after hearing what he said....

Did I overreact? Is it normal? I just thought with his explanation of being helpful to a friend he can be helpful even when we start living together, offering friends to have sex as and when needed...

I am confused, please let me know your thoughts...

OP posts:

Shortstuff08 · 05/07/2018 12:39

I would think it was weird.

Not sure I would end a 'beautiful' relationship over it. I would want to know he has changed the bed at least.

Chances are that HE has had sex with other women in his bed. People don't replace their bed every time they split with someone.

Also just because he did it in his own house, it doesn't mean that he would do it in a house if you lived together. Especially if you didn't like it.

How did you react?

Original poster

Inexperiencedchick · 05/07/2018 12:58

I said I will think about things between us...

OP posts:

Melliegrantfirstlady · 05/07/2018 12:59

I think that is gross tbh. Just why?

PinkHeart5914 · 05/07/2018 13:04

Why is it gross?

Have you never fucked on a hotel bed? Or had sex with a previous partner then a new one?

🤷🏻‍♀️ What a fuss about nothing

Melliegrantfirstlady · 05/07/2018 13:06

Borrowing your friends room to have sex?! Eurgghh it’s like gross

A lot of self respecting people would refuse this request from a friend

I certainly would!

NickyNora · 05/07/2018 13:08

Whose washing the sheets?

Original poster

Inexperiencedchick · 05/07/2018 13:30

This is how I felt... Gross, although it wasn’t me involved in all that... I’m just an outsider, but because there are feelings involved I felt like someone spit in to my soul. He is not getting a point, and I said “I won’t change my values because of a man...”
It’s not about hotel room or his place. It’s about his self respect and his friends’ and that woman involved.
He thinks he is doing a friend a favour, while friend is taking a chance to have a shag while being in another part of the city...

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 05/07/2018 13:32

I think it depends if 'said friend' is washing the sheets straight afterwards.
His place though so he can do what he wants with it.

onanothertrain · 05/07/2018 13:33

Complete overreaction.
Not your house, not your bed, not your business

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 05/07/2018 13:38

It feels a bit seedy but yes I do think you're overreacting. It's his place, you don't live together. It's highly unlikely he'd do it when you do cohabit. I do see his side too, it must be hard being installed relationship and have no where to get physical. If it were you and he who were in that situation and a friend offered you both his place for the afternoon, would you see it as gross or would you just be grateful to get some much needed alone time?
I'm astounded that something like this would make you consider your future in such a good relationship

WasFatNowThin · 05/07/2018 13:40

I'm afraid I think it's an overreaction.

heatwave2018 · 05/07/2018 13:45

That’s very weird and not worth ending the relationship just ask politely for that not to happen again cause it freaks you out

Shortstuff08 · 05/07/2018 13:45

You can end the relationship for any reason at all.

But in all honesty, while I think it's a bit weird, I think you are over reacting. 'Spit in your soul?

If I lived in my own place and chose to lend my house out to anyone for any reason, that's up to me. I wouldn't run it past my partner. Did he have any reason to suspect you would react so strongly?

Not sure what self respect of the woman involved has got to do with it. She so have probably known it wasn't his place.

Myheartbelongsto · 05/07/2018 17:12

Massive over reaction.

BertyFlanter · 05/07/2018 17:17

I would find it pretty gross and certainly want to know he had changed the sheets, but "spit into your soul" fuck me that's an overreaction 😂
In fact in his shoes, I would be re-thinking things with you. How would you react to something, you know, actually important.

RabbitsAreTasty · 05/07/2018 20:37

I would consider it sleazy.

I'd also wonder why he chose to tell me about sleaziness.

I'd not be impressed.

Iflyaway · 05/07/2018 21:00

Borrowing your friends room to have sex?!

Is his friend married or in a relationship? Is he a teenager? Living with parents?

Anyway, he is not upfront about something. That is worrying.

Fuckwithnosensesauce · 05/07/2018 22:20

I remember being told this by a male mate 30 years ago and thought it was YUK. He said why shouldn’t his mate have somewhere nice to have sex. It’s what blokes do innit.

Flip