Any positive single mum stories out there?

[ChocolateBunnies12]

I stupidly chose to continue with a pregnancy from an unstable relationship with a horrible man. I was very naive and didn’t realise what I was letting myself in for - I wasn’t prepared for the isolation, loneliness, and constant stress.

DD is now one, NC with her father this year (he chose not to stay in contact RE DD). I see loads of stories and posts on Facebook and through people I know about single mums getting into new relationships with a baby or young child - how is this possible, can anyone give me the secret? Where do they find the time or energy to meet someone new and actually establish a relationship?

Does anyone have any positive stories about being a single mum and meeting someone else or managing to overcome depression/loneliness? Feeling pretty hopeless at the moment like I will be single and unhappy forever. Tia

I was a single mum for three years and I loved it. I was in no hurry to find a partner so was prepared to wait for a decent man to come along even if it never happened.

I started working again when my child was 3 and reconnected with the man I lived next door to as a teenager. It took a few months but he knew that by becoming envolves with me, I came as a package.

We’ve been married almost two years now and have two more children together.

Single mum of one becomes married mum of three.

There are some really good guys out there who will love not only you, but your child. Just don’t rush into anything

I was in an almost identical situation to you and now DD is 3 and I’m happily settled with an amazing DP. My advice would be just enjoy being a mum, try and get the odd date in but don’t rush, or put too much pressure on finding someone or being in a relationship. Find a good babysitter that you trust if you can’t rely on friends or family. Also think about what you are really looking for in a partner and stick to your guns! Have strong boundaries and it will work out for you. Most of th guys I dated had no issue with me being a Mum at all and my current DP is wonderful with my DD. Hang in there.

Single mum to a 9 year old DD. Early years were tough. My advice is to make time to yourself fun and no pressure with friends etc rather than rushing into dating.

It gets easier once they can communicate and you can interact better. The loneliness really shifted around the time she hit 3.

I dated a little bit but I was focussed on my career and then I met someone through work 2 years ago. She was 7 so a lot easier.

Everyone's story is different but loneliness is a common theme I would say, so make sure you are kind to yourself and work on your support network and think about your long term work plans. Being financially independent was the best thing I did for myself.

I’ve been separated for 2.5 years - I dated casually for a bit first of all. I was seeing a single dad for a while but it was hard to find the time to see each other and it wasn’t very serious so that fizzled out. But actually I feel it’s what I needed because it was fun and no pressure for a while. Then I started dating again, I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship but I’ve been seeing someone properly for a year and it’s fab! He doesn’t have DC so it’s a bit easier to see each other. We’ve no immediate plans to live together - I spend about half the week alone with the kids which is great and then he tends to stay at mine at weekends. We have holiday time alone together too as my exH only has them in the school holidays mostly. So we’re having three weeks away in summer which will be fab.

Sometimes it’s hard and it did feel for a while like I just couldn’t be bothered. I like the pace things have gone this time round though and already having been married and having DC actually makes it quite easy as I feel no pressure to move the relationship on. I don’t want any more DC and I really enjoy having time on my own too. I honestly feel right now I have the best of both worlds with someone I love to spend time with sometimes and a really independent life as a single parent the rest of the time. I never feel lonely when I’m on my own!

I was a single mum for about a year before meeting DP but it was longer than that before he moved in and such so really I was a single mum for two years.

I really enjoyed being a single parent. I didn’t leave an abusive marriage but my xH did make me miserable for various other reasons. I couldn’t stand the sight of him towards the end and it was nothing other than a relief to be rid of him. It was difficult adjusting to parenting alone at first but gradually we found a routine and things got easier. I think it made my bond with them closer if anything and made me a better parent.

I did date in the year or so between leaving xH and meeting DP. A couple of guys ran for the hills when I mentioned I had DC but the majority really didn’t care. I wasn’t always honest before meeting the guys that I had children, I would tell most after a successful first date just because I didn’t think it was some dickhead I would never see again’s business to know iykwim. Never struggled meeting guys tbh and my DP is wonderful.

Good luck OP.

I was married for 12 years, 3 kids who were 4, 5 & 6 when I met my now boyfriend.

He was my neighbour but I didn't know him. Our boys started to play together and here we are 4 years later.

He's the best person I know. If we ever split up I know I will never be this lucky again. He is perfect for me. Don't give up op!

Loving these success stories ❤️ I thought I had found my happily ever after but It didn't work out that way. Recent split.
I'm so heartbroken but his coldness to me and lack of care shows that he just wasn't meant for me o I'm clinging onto to that solace. Hoping someone better will come along for me and my little ones 🙏

My ex left when I was pregnant (together 8 years and she as planned) as he'd "changed his mind". I was working overseas, had six weeks maternity leave and DD was in full time nursery from three months. I worked full time from then, no time off at all, ex has never given time or money.

Came back to the UK when DD was six. I didn't have so much as a date until she was in secondary school at 11, but plenty of friends and a lovely flat, great job, fantastic relationship with DD. I've never had any thoughts about where DD will be over Christmas, holidays, weekends etc.

DD will be 21 in November and has just finished her second year at York. She seems well balanced, sociable, bright and we're still very close (possibly too close but she's away half the year and that's good too). I'm getting married later this month. Own my own place, taking a career break (self funded) at the moment and cannot imagine it having worked out any other way, especially when I read the heartache suffered by many on here.

In contrast my DF died earlier this year and my DM, although a strong woman, has gone to pieces and hates being alone. Obviously there's a big age gap but I've always loved my own company as I'm so used to it.

Yes! I met dh on the Internet when I was a single mum on benefits in a pokey council flat. I couldn't understand why he was interested. I had an abusive ex and challenging dc with SN but dh seemed to really like me!? He was so grown up, kind and funny and had a really good job, homeowner etc.

We've been together many many years.

Lostmyself, I’d just like to say that I get your point but I don’t actually see myself as “success story” because I’m in a relationship now - I was very happy single as well and I think enjoying the life you have is important - being a single mum is hard but it can also be bloody brilliant at times, just the freedom and the independence you have to do stuff you way on your own timeframe, you can be really child-centred and make a great unit together. Success comes in all forms!

Following: I’m a single mum too and can’t fathom dating in case they become a monster like ex. However lovely to hear these positive stories. I’d like to feel noticed again rather than a relationship really. I feel invisible

I was a single parent from pregnancy. I had a fwb from the time DS was 18 months but I didn't want to date as was re-training at university. Then I did date, for three years and it was pretty horrible and did my head in. Then just as I was about to give up I met DP who is the funniest, handsome and most kind man. We have had some ups and downs with life problems but we are in it for the long haul.

I’ve been a single mum for most of DS’s life.

Can’t see what all the fuss is about. I’m perfectly fine and so is DS. The only thing that pisses me off is the assumption that we’re not.

Left abusive H at 8 months pregnant with 2 elder D.C. 3 years ago.

I’ve just spent a yeardoing Access Science. I’ve smashed it and I’m now moving house to attend dream Uni. I’m 31.

Absolutely loving life.

My ex husband had an affair whilst I was pregnant, we split when i was about 25 weeks, he's never met dd, we'd been together 8 years and she was planned. He lives abroad now (therefore avoiding child maintenance!). I met my dp when dd was 6 months old, I had no job and was living in my parents house, no idea what he saw in me! We moved in together in a house he bought for us in January this year, dd is now 3.5, I have a job I love and I'm 22 weeks pregnant. Dd loves him and can't wait to be a big sister. Being a single mum was hard but I have an unbreakable bond with dd, I'd be happy without dp and I'm very happy with him too.

Success story here: I've been a single parent for two and a half years, and I sodding well love it. It's hard at times, and yes, I wish I had someone to share the good bits with, but I never want to get into a relationship with anyone ever again - I have incredible friends instead.

I met all of them online, the most important ones have moved into 'real life'. Some of them are twice my age, some are 20yrs younger. Most of them are married. Via a variety of ways, we found each other, and now I have this odd, eclectic mix of people who know me better than anyone, and I never have to worry the way you do with a relationship - this goes deeper than that. They understand the demands on my time, and there's just no angst about it.

Being single doesn't mean being on your own.

The fifth key- more positive than success.
I love having a mate I just do. I'm ok by myself, have been doing it and have fun with kids but it's very tough out there being a lone parent. I'd love to have someone to love me and love my kids. As I said, I thought I had found someone but wasn't to be after all. Better to know sooner rather than later.

Hi Op I've been a single mum for 6 years and my DD is now 9.
I've had periods of dating but more periods of time on my own.
It's hard and loneliness can set in. Luckily I'm pretty good with my own company but I do try and make sure I've got something planned for at least one of the weekends in a month that I'm alone.
I haven't had many problems with men thinking DD is a problem but I have found the longer I'm single the more intolerant of men's shortcomings I'm getting!

I was a lone parent at 24 for 2 years.
Then at 34 for two years. Just finished a 3 year relationship so single again.

It has it's plus points - decision making, sorting out your own house with your own decor etc, a bed to yourself etc. I think the loneliness is hardest but if you fill up your time with friends you can combat that a bit. I found that easier to do at 24 than now though. All my friends are coupled up and quite boring!

Single Mum for a year before I met DP. Dated a little, nothing serious. I wasn't looking for anything serious as I didn't want to take time, energy and time away from the kids. I have a teen and a preschooler.

DP was amazingly patient when I didn't have much time to see him, for the first few months, before I introduced him to the kids. He's got his own life and friends but was very flexible whenever I was free. Babysitters and friends helped a lot over that period.

Now he spends weekends with us and is amazing with the younger one and amazingly patient with the teen, who remains hostile.

ExH doesn't have much to do with the kids so as an older single man DP had to give up weekends of football, lazing around and hanging out in the pub for afternoons in the park, and he's been happy to do it every time. He has an adult son so is that perfect combination of understanding life as a parent to young children without the pressure of making time for his own.

Seeing how good he is with my family has made me love him more deeply, it's an extra dimension. You expect a father to put his own needs behind small children but it's wonderful when a stranger chooses to do that.

Look forward to that OP, when you find the right person for you and your DC, at a time when you're ready, it's the most fantastic feeling in the world.

Single mum here for just under 5 years. Stayed that way as strugged to find anyone who took it seriously that i had DD. Have just had another baby two weeks ago with my partner i met last year.

No real secret, don't ever be willing to lower your expectations. I stopped looking, met DP through a friend as a 'no strings' bit of fun...he came over one night & basically never went home! The right bloke will accept you & your DC as a package.

I left a toxic relationship with my one and a half year old and moved back to Scotland when I woke up to find my ex in my bedroom after he had moved out. I was so shaken that I left that same night.

After moving back to Scotland I wound up homeless and in temporary accommodation and became severely depressed due to being convinced I had ruined my life (I was only 19). A year or so later I met my now dh online. He was in the process of selling his house to move back to Australia and lived in Surrey. We had an amazing connection and he came to Scotland to visit me despite being in the process of preparing to leave because he didn't want to leave without knowing "what if". He was supportive and completely different to every other person I ever met.

We both decided there was enough chemistry there to take a risk. He decided to stay in the uk and I decided to apply to university in Southampton. We agreed to move in together and see what would happen. Fast forward nearly 12 years and I have an amazing career, we own our own home and are expecting our second child together at the start of next month. Not only that but our court hearing for him to adopt my ds is on the 3rd of August and the social services have advised they believe it is in ds best interests that it proceeds. Ds biological father gave his consent :)

It's not easy and God knows that my DH and I have had our ups and downs but with love, honesty and cobsideration you would be amazed what you can get through.

Wishing you love and happiness op xx

Single just over a year, co-parenting ith ex working really well, dc thriving. I work plus studying part-time and and when dc are with their dad I get time to do whatever I want, be it meet up with friends or spending time on my hobbies. I love the independence and autonomy of being single and refuse to compromise by being in a relationship. I see many friends putting up with, quite frankly, shit partners as they seem to think having a man is the holy grail, a 'happy ever after'. It is quite sad that a lot of strong, clever women still think like this and I would encourage the op to source childcare and focus on herself, her interests and her own potential rather than thinking a man will make her 'complete', you can make your own positive success story for you and dc

Widowed when the kids were still babies. Been a single mum for 26 years, worked full time until retirement two years ago. Kids now in good graduate jobs.
A bit lonely when the kids left home for uni, but they’re both now only an hour’s drive away. You get used to being on your own. DH was my soul mate and irreplaceable.