I've namechanged as I don't want to put this under my regular username.
Will try to keep this brief and succinct - feeling a bit lost today.
DH and I have been very happily married for a long time. Over 20 years. Not long after we got married one of my close friends died, and then the following year, one of my parents died. This was a huge shock and I had a brief period of depression for which I had counselling. I spent a few months feeling blank but things got back on track.
Over the years we've been together we've had a good relationship. Lots of closeness, lots of laughs, sex, etc.
After 9 years of marriage, we talked about children - neither of us had wanted them, but that far in, I had had a change of heart. As far as I knew, he agreed, and was quite happy to try to start a family.
For several years, nothing happened. Neither of us went to have any tests. I'd had some health issues and suspected that this might be a cause, but it was more a case of "if we can have children" rather than "when we can".
In our 13th year of marriage, we had a child. DH absolutely doted on DC. Besotted. Showed DC off to all and sundry. He was a model dad - very hands on, helped with everything, and relished parenting. Obviously we had a good few sleepless nights that made us a little ratty at times, but never anything that was serious.
Fast forward to now. DC is7 - intelligent, interested, and sometimes a bit precious. Not badly behaved, not naughty, but in every way a very typical 7 year old.
Yesterday DH was having problems with his computer. He uses the computer for business and was having issues with data being retained & retrieved. He was really snappy all afternoon and told off DC (who had a friend over) for squabbling. Fair enough. Computer problems cotinued and when DC had gone to bed, later in the evening he broke down in tears saying he felt overwhelmed, he wasn't "feeling right". We talked a little and he said it was frustration that the computer might have lost all his work-related data. We discovered there was a back up with wasn't corrupted (from his computer, it looked as thought it was), and he calmed down and seemed to be okay.
Today, we had a mad rush as usual to get ready in the morning. DC went in to say good morning to him as usual and all seemed well. However, as we got to school (he does school run but I had to drop something off), we were very close to being late and he got very snappy again with DC. Given that he spent ages in the shower, I felt this was a bit unfair and simply asked him not to get into a mood.
He got very cross and said, "Oh I'll just shut up then." and went and stood apart from us. Of course, then various parents arrived at the last minute and there was a flurry of chat.
When we got home he broke down into tears again and said that he wasn't feeling right. I asked if he meant physically or mentally (given that he's been very stressed with the data problem). He said about DC.
Apparently he hates coming home. He can't cope with DC, he doesn't feel as though he wants to spend time with them. Has felt like this for a year. He doesn't want to feel like this.
We talked a bit and I said that I thought he might want to look into a parenting course, and that he should make an appointment with the Doctor to talk through things.
He says now that we need to have a big talk about things.
I accept that I've not been the most affectionate wife over the past year or so myself. I've had a series of bereavements (family and friends) during the past 5 years. DH's father has had some serious health issues which have been resolved. I'm peri-menopausal and pretty much feel like shit every day. I try my best not to let this get to me. I make sure we have plenty of kisses and cuddles (we are affectionate in front of DC) but our sex life has dwindled. However, I'd be sad to think that he feels jealous of the attention I give DC. I feel as though nobody can ever leave me alone for a minute, some days.
Currently sitting here feeling numb and very tearful. I understand that on the physical side I can do more to help (perhaps I need HRT) but to hear him say he dislikes our DC has really shaken me.