Hi everyone.
I posted quite a bit about my ex about 4/5 months ago. Issues in the relationship mainly around sex, control, emotional abuse. Together a year and a half, it was co-dependent, not something I’d experienced before. I got very ill.
Anyway, haven’t been officially together for 3/4 months, but we still talk. I can’t seem to give him up completely. I’m a lot better, I’ve hardly seen him, I spend a lot more time with friends and family, working on my Masters, and being at the gym, I’ve started sleeping better too. So i am doing okay.
But as I said, I still can’t remove myself completely. I have got very angry about what happened between us about three times, one of which I was shouting down the phone at him, which just isn’t me. He told my children how much he loved me, I spent time with his children, told me repeatedly he wanted to marry me, but all this other stuff went on.
I am bitter, and slightly traumatised perhaps.
I feel very angry this morning. I want to contact his ex. I’ve had this feeling before, but I know it’s irrational and never have. His ex and his ex before became friends when his ex left him. His ex even five years after she left still hates him, often referring to him as a bully and controlling , he shows me the texts as they are in contact due to their son and are constantly horrendous to each other. However, I feel she might help me make peace, a truly selfish endeavour I know. He also still logs on to his ex’s Facebook as he knows the password.
I just need someone to tell me these irrational thoughts and feelings that completely consume me now and then are part of the process. That it takes a while to move on and stop feeling so angry, sad, abandoned. And that I will be able To remove myself completely without bloody dying .