Message from his friend

[klm2018]

So this morning I woke up to a strange message from a friend of DP who I have only met once years ago saying ' I have a problem with xxxx and was hoping I could have a quick chat with you'

My gut is telling me to tell DP and forget about it but my worry is that he will play it down or not tell me what it's about. I don't believe we should have secrets. However if he will only play it down I am tempted to reply to his friend to try to find out more.

What would you do??

Plot thickens...

Just stood there talking to DP and he's in the middle of a text conversation with this friend.

Still haven't said anything to either of them.

i would ring the friend and find out. When DP asks just forget the text. say the friend rang you. that way you didnt have time to tell him.

I would just ring him and find out. Deal with whatever it is afterwards.

Are you / your DH at work right now? If so, if you message the friend this morning, but don't see your DH until tonight you can still tell him immediately you see him, so you've not been dishonest, but you've been able to use the timescale to your advantage, if you see what I mean.

Also, if you're worried he'll downplay the issue waiting to talk in person is a plan.

If they're still regularly in touch I wonder if it's something like trying to pursuade him to go on some lads weekend or similar that DP has said no to. All very odd. I suppose maybe I'd text back and say "erm, what kind of problem? Surprise party kind or serious?" And then base my next actions eg speaking to DH on his response. I like to think if it were a problem regarding DH's mood or anything he'd have worded a little differently but some people just wouldn't think like that I suppose.

"erm, what kind of problem? Surprise party kind or serious?"

Ooh, that's good. Way to get more information without feeling like you're going behind DH's back. Sounds like the other person doesn't want to ring in case your DH is within hearing distance. I'd definitely ring back once I was alone.

I'd just find out. I wouldn't tell your DP's friend that you are going to tell DP. I wouldn't tell DP that I am going to reply to his friend.

However if it is something you should tell DP, then tell him after.

Unless this friend has said "I am going you tell you something and I don't want you to tell DP" in which case I would really really want to know!

The problem could be something totally innocent or something worth knowing. Or it could be rubbish!

I think you're over-thinking this. Just reply and ask what the issue is, then deal with it appropriately.

Is your DP in regular contact with his friend? Can you ask him how his friends is and what they are saying as you know they are currently messaging? Does your DP seems happy enough or cross at the conversation he is having?

Ok am going to respond once I get out of the house and in the car, am of the same opinion, that he hasn't called as he knows my DP may be around

Thanks everyone for the advice, I'll keep you updated

I wonder whether he owes him money. If he says he "has a problem with him" it's not going to be good news, obviously. It won't be a party as people have suggested! If you speak to your partner first, OP, I'm sure you'll never get to hear what the problem is.

Well can he have a quick chat with you or can he not?
Are you afraid of your DP? Does he not like you talking to other men for any reason? I can't help but think you're scared of the consequences for something which isn't a big deal :(

Sounds very interesting

It does sound like there's something going on. I'd want to know!

I'd have to know first.
But then I have massive trust issues!

Very odd, I'd reply and then work it out from there.

Will you tell your DP afterwards OP? It all seems a bit cloak and dagger doesn’t it?

interesting. I'd want to know.
But it's tricky finding your follow up messages as you've changed your name after your first post.

I would definitely ask. Maybe he’s worried about him for some reason.

Wonder what it is?

You are struggling with the ideaof contacting this person and withholding information from your DP, think hell be upset if he finds out you didn't tell him about the message. But you accept that he keeps stuff from you and downplays problems. The double standards would worry me more than the message!

I think it would have replied without a second thought. But then I am a very nosey person. Hope it's nothing serious.

I would reply, keep it light, "what's up?"

Hoping it's something benign, but I do worry that if it was you would have been back by now OP. just in case

I think I’d need to know, even if it’s not cheating or anything, it could be a problem your DH is having that he needs help with but hasn’t told you.