Is this in any way normal behaviour?

[GrittySandals]

Because I'm losing any perspective and idea of what is normal. I have namechanged as identifying.

Due to MH issues and complex grief due to 5 bereavements, I've been having a tough time. I also have complex PTSD due to childhood issues/ trauma/ neglect.

I was very sad and anxious today and thus afternoon didn't feel like doing anything after I got DS from school. I spent a couple of hours in bed and asked H to sort supper.

I felt very alone as H just stayed downstairs all afternoon & evening. When he came to bed at about 10.30 there was no enquiries how I was feeling - no concern whatsoever. He just told me to snap out of it & buck my ideas up.

I am starting a new job next week which he has pressured me into (I don't feel well enough to work) - the stress of it is contributing to my MH problems.

To cut a long story short I broke down in tears at his coldness and lack of concern and just walked out of the house, no keys phone or anything. I just walked and walked for an hour and a half, crying that no one cared or would even miss me. Just as I'd suspected, H didn't even bother to get up out of bed or come after me, he just let me walk off. I feel so uncared for and as if I would be better off dead.

When I got back he was still lying in bed watching tv without a care in the world.

When I asked him why he didn't care he got up and stormed out. He said he couldn't drive after me earlier as he'd been drinking but this didn't stop him driving off when he felt like it.

I feel so worthless and unloved. I wish I had the courage to go and jump under a train. DS used to stop me but I feel so desperate even the thought of him doesn't affect me wearying to die now.

grittysandals I'm so sorry you're feeling so low and alone

You should be able to expect more support from a loving partner. Unfortunately from what I read here and have heard from friends, it's not uncommon for partners to be unsupportive of chronic illness, and especially with mental health issues.

I don't think he should be pressuring you to work if you don't feel ready. What was his rationale for asking you to do this? Was it financial, or does he perhaps think it would help you to have something to focus on?

Are you receiving any medical treatment from your GP or a therapist to help you through this difficult time?

I don't know if this was much help but I couldn't read and not respond

Please speak to your gp and get some support.
Do you have family and friends around you?

Please call family, a friend, or a support line right away.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/#helplines

Definitely get in touch with help ASAP.

You are loved.

You are needed.

Your H sounds very insensitive - please seek help.

Im so sorry to hear you feeling this way.
I also have MH issues and like you have a very unsupportive partner who can be a dick!!
he says things like Oh god your boring, get a grip...And its hurtful so i can totally understand how your feeling... Plus starting a new job is really overwhelming, its going to add to your stress i think. But honestly if you are feeling suicidle you must call emergency, you sound like your on the verge of an emotional breakdown.. And you need all the support and love from family & friends.
Please talk to someone xx

How you feel right now will go away. It will. It may take a while but you won't be miserable forever and you will get over the loss you've experienced. Please don't do anything rash. And please don't feel that your partner doesn't love you; he's clearly out of his depth. He's not a professional, just a man who is getting it wrong. Some people can only cope with fairer weather than others. Take a breath, and then another and another (breathe into your hands- if you've been crying your blood oxygen levels may be out of balance) and try and slow yourself down. You need to sleep and then tomorrow you need to sit with your partner and talk to him about how to get more help. And the job... if you don't need the money the you have to think about if it will actually give you a purposeful distraction or not.

Many, many brow strokes to you.

Aww, I feel so sad for you. I had many years of anxiety when my children were younger and my DP was just like yours. He told me recently that he was so sorry but didn’t know how to help me and had such a lack of understanding of my issues he honestly thought I was just being attention seeking and thought him not pandering to my needs would help. He said he wished he knew more about anxiety back then so he would have handled it better. I am sure he loves you and does care about you but really finds it hard to know what to do. Talk to him when you are both in a positive mood and try to help him understand what you are going through but be mindful not to put pressure on him to understand immediately, and don’t do what I did and blame him for all your issues. I am sure you will get through this.

Thanks for all your replies. I do talk to him when feeling better and he says he doesn't understand Bla bla bla & will try harder etc - but next time it happens he reacts exactly the same - in fact worse.

I slept on the bathroom floor. He has totally ignored me since waking up. I am off to a funeral today (alone naturally) so won't be able to post.

We need the money- that's all I am useful to him for. He doesn't factor in my MH or what I can / can't cope with - it's just like 'get back to work you lazy cow'

Please take care today. Funerals can be a mixed event in my experience- sometimes they give you peace despite the pain.

And as for the DH, maybe you need to link longer term. Perhaps take the job and save money to set yourself up if you leave him. If things are not good between you when not in crisis then perhaps it's time to re-evaluate the whole situation.

Good luck today x