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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I send this!?

17 replies

Mumao · 04/07/2018 21:06

I’m currently living with my ex... we’ve just had a bit of an argument over money... then he said to me that all of this is happening because of ‘my drinking’. I’m furious. I’ve been begging him for two years to sort this relationship out. I’m so angry can I send him the below!?
I'll tell you the reasons why we are splitting up xxx... it's because when I was pregnant at home on Christmas Eve waiting for you to come home from the pub, I found that you had been talking to your ex wife behind my back...

it's because you left me breastfeeding your daughter while you stood outside getting stoned so many times

When our baby was young you wouldn’t do anything when I asked you to even tho I was exhausted!

it's because when I had been up all night, night after night with Our daughter you were in the next room wanking off to thai women getting gangbanged!

you didn't support me when I was being bullied out of my job at work after going back from maternity leave

You didn't support me when I was diagnosed with post natal depression and anxiety

It's because you don't communicate with me

It’s because you ignore me for days on end and make me feel like I’m going crazy. I follow you round the house begging for you to talk to me but you won’t

It's because you don't cook and leave me to do the lion share of the housework

It's because you didn't support me when I was applying for a new job

It’s because I can’t rely on you in a crisis

It's because you leave all of our life admin to me

It's because you make me feel guilty for having time to myself

It's because you haven't supported me after I have been diagnosed with endometriosis and whenever I’m ill you make me feel like I’m being lazy

It's because I have had to put my career on hold to raise our daughter and you don't appreciate a thing I do and you don't appreciate me...

It's because you told me that you were going to kick the shit out of me on the night before my birthday and I had to cancel my party the next day because I felt so broken

It's because you never say sorry EVER!

So I'm sorry if I get drunk now and again but I do it to escape my miserable life with a boyfriend who obviously doesn't care about me

OP posts:
Mumao · 04/07/2018 21:10

Oh and just to add I go out once every two weeks... there have been times when I have started an argument when I’m drunk... I’m not blameless but he just can’t see that he is responsible for the death of this relationship too!

OP posts:
AynRandTheObjectivist · 04/07/2018 21:10

You can if you like, but I wouldn't count on getting a satisfying response.

NeedDrink · 04/07/2018 21:11

Wow. Leave him. You deserve so Much Better. Så do your baby.. you sound strong. And he is an ass.. totally.

1043voyager · 04/07/2018 21:11

You should get out of that pronto.

SparklyMagpie · 04/07/2018 21:12

Yeah tbh I wouldn't bother sending it..I doubt you'd get the reply you're most likely looking for x

MadeForThis · 04/07/2018 21:13

Good decision to leave.
I'd crack open a bottle of wine to celebrate that!!

HariboIsMyCrack · 04/07/2018 21:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

NotCalledVicky · 04/07/2018 21:15

Don't send it, it could escalate things and put you at risk. Keep the list in case you ever need it.

How long have you got to live with him?

Mumao · 04/07/2018 21:21

I wish I had some wine to open!

He’s moving out in the middle of August

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 04/07/2018 21:21

Reply? Who needs the reply?

Send it! Pull the pin and lob it right at him! Who cares if he never responds?
The point is, he'll read it and he'll know.
He knows he's a dick. He'll never apologise for who he is and how he is. And you don't need the apology. Just stick your two fingers up and move on, OP.
Writing and sending that is cathartic.
And after dealing with such a shitty, shitty, shitty, pathetic excuse for a partner, you need the catharsis.

TheVanguardSix · 04/07/2018 21:24

Actually.... send it after he moves out! Definitely.
Keep it. But bide your time. But definitely send it in late August. It can be the first bit of post he receives at his new shit hole.
You don't need a firestorm under your own roof right this minute. So just wait a few weeks.
Good luck!!

AynRandTheObjectivist · 04/07/2018 21:26

I didn't say 'reply', I said 'response'.

I don't know what response OP hopes to get out of this (and she must want SOMETHING to happen or she wouldn't do it), but it's most unlikely to be anything that will be satisfying for her.

She's quite right to write it though. And send it if she likes. I just wouldn't count on it bringing whatever catharsis or closure she's hoping for.

Mumao · 04/07/2018 21:49

I don’t think I want a response... I know I won’t get one.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 04/07/2018 22:12

Vent on here, don’t waste your energy writing to him, he’s so not worth it.

Orlandointhewilderness · 04/07/2018 22:15

I'd send it!

whylie · 04/07/2018 22:25

Wow!....Seriously! You have just typed my old life!
Best thing I ever did was kick his trampy, deluded, selfish, hypocritical and demented arse out of my house and my life!
Please get rid!
I promise you OP the grass is SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH GREENER ON THE SIDE!...💚💚💚

Mumao · 04/07/2018 22:32

Thanks whylie there is no doubt that the relationship is done... I just can’t believe he thinks he’s done nothing wrong.

Everyone thinks he’s such a nice guy! His whole family have put him on a pedastool and like he can do no wrong! His wife left him and he said she ran off with his money... I have since found out that she was diagnosed with cancer and he did nothing to support her and just pesterd her for sex instead... yeah, what a standup guy!

OP posts:
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