Difficult sibling.

[EJWx]

Feel like if I don't keyboard warrior this and get it off my chest I'm going to combust!

My sister chose to have an abortion nearly coming up to two years ago now, at the age of 21. She was in an unstable relationship with a partner who didn't want to keep the child.

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with my husband of 9 years, and ever since she's found out that I'm pregnant she's been a living nightmare, blowing hot and cold, causing a wedge in other relationships.

• when she found out, she turned the tables and tried to accuse my parents of forcing her into an abortion
• she still lives at home with my parents and in recent weeks has told them she's fed up of me visiting in the house and that shes going to move out
• has now put my parents in the position where it's awkward as she's constantly making snide remarks and comments
• me and my husband have a dog which once/twice a week my mum looks after willingly while we are at work, other day she txt to say I'll be an irresponsible parent and dump my child like I dump the dog.
• we have a family holiday booked for which I am quite happy to distance myself and ignore her, however I'm now being told I'm making the atmosphere more awkward by doing this.
• have been told that I'll have to start and ring when I want to go and visit

Feel like making alternative arrangements for the dog and just staying away completely, but then why should I have to change the relationship I have with my parents, just to suit what I think is a younger sister who's having a tinge of jealousy as she feels and I quote 'it should be me in that situation' referring to being pregnant.

Sorry for the long and winding rant but with my hormones I feel like I'm just going to combust and sit in a corner and cry!
Xxx

It doesn’t sound like jealousy to me it sounds like grief and bitterness. What exactly happened when she was pregnant? Did the family offer support or were they making suggestions that she needed to have a termination? I can see that if you’re the “ golden girl” with her life together, nice husband etc that the news of your pregnancy has been treated very differently from her pregnancy. Is that a possibility? No one can change what has happened but you can acknowledge to her that it’s clearly a difficult time for her. That doesn’t mean you have to take any shit from her - grief is not an excuse - but your acknowledgment of the difficulties of her circumstances might make things a little calmer.

She was offered support, and was told that whatever decision she came to the family would support her, the NHS initially refused to give her an abortion for which then she was sending me messages asking if there was other alternatives or if she could see a different doctor,
I've been mindful of her and not 'shoved it in her face' and not brought a lot of conversation up in front of her, but in terms of the blowing hot and cold, she's buying stuff for the baby and sending me pictures of stuff one minute, then having snide remarks and saying vile things the next...

Sorry but I think grief and a bit of depression far more taking over than jealousy. Can understand it's not easy for you either though. I'd try, hard as it is, not to let it get me down and just try to show as much empathy for her as possible