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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Heartbroken

5 replies

user1474231486 · 04/07/2018 16:09

Was going out with Oh for about 7 months and just really opened up to him in that time. I know it seems short but I genuinely saw a future with him.
Really did care and love him. The last month he pulled away which caused me to try and push trying to either pull him back or protect myself, anyway, long story short, he wanted space, I gave him it and now it's all over.
I'm just heartbroken.
I've picked myself up from.heartbreak before I just thought this was different. Silly foolish me. 😔

OP posts:
Neveradullday365 · 04/07/2018 17:51

I don't see that the time makes any difference, I've always said I think you know how you feel about someone pretty quickly and when it's amazing, you can quickly become emotionally attached. I hope your ok, break ups are shit. I don't actually have an ounce of advice (I'm currently a week into a breakup) but people keep saying it gets easier. People suck. Remember your worth, and be strong, you'll come out stronger xx

user1474231486 · 04/07/2018 19:22

Thank you neveradullday and im sorry you are going through the same thing.
I can't eat, I can barely sleep. Its just. I'm over it.
I think more just the way it happened and his silence ultimately which makes me question my very understanding of him and as a result of what we had. I feel so discarded and just not worthwhile. Just sucks.

OP posts:
pisces7268 · 04/07/2018 19:34

What reason did he give you for the breakup?

user1474231486 · 04/07/2018 19:50

None. Just that he wasn't happy anymore. 😔

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/07/2018 20:42

I'm really sorry, user1474231486 - and neveradullday as well, it's really shit, there's no other way to look at it. I can remember being so strung out by a boyfriend that I really didn't care whether I lived or died at that point. He was abusive (although I didn't see it back then) and I prostrated myself so many times only to be pushed away. It was such a miserable time but to me, the idea of not being with him was unthinkable...

And then he found another woman unbeknownst to me, kept me dangling, letting me down, and then after months of worse abuse (because he must really have despised my pathetic behaviour), told me it was finished, over the phone.

I'm surprised that I wasn't more upset but do you know? It set me free. A few bad days of crying and then I stopped and hardened up (just where he was concerned). He rang me as if nothing had happened (wanting money, I think) and I told him never to contact me again and put the phone down.

I wouldn't thank him (because he's a twat) but he taught me a really valuable lesson. "Love them just enough and not too much...". I've learned that good and will never, ever be so dependent on a man for my feelings of self-worth. I will validate myself and be honest about it.

I'm sorry for blethering on both, there was a point to my post other than trying to be supportive, and that was that user, he owed you an explanation, a proper honest discussion and he has let you down. I suspect that it was going on for a while and the reason that he has now gone silent on you is that he knows he's been a shit. That you were deserving of better, but that he's too cowardly to come out with it and tell you what the issue was.

Please don't second-guess yourself for a single minute more. Some men (and women) live in the moment and can turn on a sixpence - that is, when they are not the ones emotionally invested. As soon as someone else truly holds their heart in their hands, all bets are off.

That's it really, he was not as invested as you were. It's a sad fact of relationships that one of the two always loves that little bit more, feels things that little bit more acutely, and feels that little bit less secure in the relationship. In a good one, the difference isn't too stark and, if the 'alpha' partner is aware and truly cares, he/she will not use the disparity to the other's detriment. Take heart from the fact that this man has his own insecurities and issues to deal with because a secure and 'whole' person feels no need to play with somebody they profess to love.

I think that you'll hear from him again... when the reason for his disinterest in you, fails or fades. I can't stress how much I hope that if/when this does happen, that you'll be able to demonstrate polite and glacial indifference to him.

You've done nothing to warrant or deserve this; you were owed an adult conversation so that your relationship could end respectfully. Next time you'll be more attuned to the unspoken words and actions and this wouldn't catch you out again.

For now though, I'm really sorry for your pain, it hurts like nothing else.

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