AIBU to be annoyed at the amount he talks to his ex?

[Sugarandmoresugar]

My partner has two children with his ex so I expect a certain amount of communication between them however I am feeling really annoyed over the amount they have, don't know if I'm being unreasonable about it like my partner says or if this is something that others would be annoyed by too.

So around a year ago now I had grown suspicious of my partners communication with his ex as he began taking calls from her nearly every day, going round to her home to look after the children last minute when her work shifts changed, and ringing her quite often as well.
For example, we went on a weekend break away and when we got there he said he had to ring her to let them know he had arrived safely, but we had only gone to a neighbouring county so less than an hour and a half drive.
I never made a big thing of it as he always said it was for the sake of his children that they were staying friendly but as mentioned earlier, a year ago things came to a head when I had grown suspicious of it and I checked his messages to find naked pictures of her that she had sent to him.

When confronted about it he said she had sent them to him by mistake and he was sick of all the contact from her too but was going along with it for the sake of his children. I told him that he was making me and our child feel like we were not his family but only a bit on the side and that he seemed to still want to be a family with his ex.
So from then on he cut out all the extra contact with her and they only talked about things relating to the children but I still have my suspicions as ever since I confronted him he has been cagey over his phone and often erases all messages.

Last week I borrowed his phone as mine was flat and saw a whatsapp message on there from his ex where she had sent him a picture of a tshirt that looked like something he would wear. There were no other messages with it but I suspect he deletes them. I looked again a few days later and that photo had been deleted as well.
Am I being too uptight about this? I just don't understand why if he dislikes her contact as much as he says he does why would he still be maintaining a secret friendship with her?
I feel hurt that after she sent photos like that and he knew how much it hurt me that he would still message her secretly. AIBU?

YANBU

I expect some contact of course, how old are the dcs? personally i would have left after seeing the first naked pics....

You found naked pictures on his phone and you’re asking if you’re being unreasonable?

I’m failing to understand why you accepted his pitiful excuse LAST YEAR and have stayed with him?

He isn’t over her. Sorry. I know that’s not what you wanna hear but he isn’t. And no, she didn’t accidentally send them photos. He would’ve asked and probably sent some back

Dump the idiot and find someone better and raise your self esteem.

Why on earth is he still with you when it's clear both he and his ex have unfinished business? Why on earth are you with him, knowing that?

Dump him. He'll go back to his ex and in time will remember why they broke up.

I stayed after I found the pictures as we had a young DS together and he swore that he wanted to be with us and that he handled the situation badly, he only wanted to stay friendly with her as she would start being difficult about him seeing the DC.
I love him very much and didn't want to give up on our relationship but a year later and it's still going on. I'm scared to walk away as I have no other friends or family and I struggle with our DS.

There is something going on with him and his ex wife. Most likely is they are still sleeping together and playing happy families.

How long have they been divorced, op, and who initiated it?

(Can I make a wild stab in the dark, and ask if you were the other woman, OP?)

I think they still probably sleep together from time to time. I'm sorry

You really need to leave.

They havent been together for 4 years now. I wasnt the other woman but I met him when they had been separated for about half a year so fairly soon after their relationship ended. It ended because she left him for another man.

Of course you're not being unreasonable, how would he like it if you had naked pictures from an ex?

It's great when ex partners can get on but the intimacy of their relationship isn't right.

...the reason I ask if you were the OW isn't because I want to do any kicking while you're down, or implying that this is something you have to put up with, but to get a clearer picture of what's going on with him and his ex.

The thing is, relationships that have come to a mutual end, or ones ended because one partner lost feelings and had to extricate themselves very rarely end in ex-sex, either regular or occasional.

But relationships which were ended abruptly (say, by one partner getting caught cheating) are much more likely to be sexually charged. Neither party really wanted it to end, but the wayward spouse was unwilling to give up the affair partner, and the betrayed spouse would not tolerate a non monogamous arrangement. So the marriage ends, but both parties feel a sense of loss. Both of them want things back the way they were - the betrayed spouse wants their partner back, and the wayward spouse misses the days when they had the excitement of an affair partner and the security of the family home.

Cross Post - not surprised that infidelity was the cause of the marriage breakdown, op. I'm so sorry.

Naked pictures? Then she's not an ex. Sorry.

Well I'm glad others have said I'm not being unreasonable but I guess more than anything I'm just angry at myself for getting myself involved in a situation like this.
The things we do to not be alone.

He probably still loves her and she wants him back.

Is she still with the OM?

Then why doesn't he just leave me and go back to her. When I found the pictures and it nearly ended he said how all he wanted is to be with me and our son and how sorry he was that he had that type of communication with her and that he would stop it.
His ex has since been with 3 other men since the man she left for.

So first of all he says she sent them by mistake.
Then he said he had "that type of communication with her". So not a mistake?
Are you SURE she was the one cheating?

I probably phrased my post badly.

I imagine he does love you but perhaps felt there was unresolved business with his ex and still has feelings for her.