I have been with the same man for 9 years. He swept me and my kids of my feet, paid my huge dept and bought us a house. He worked very hard at redoing the house - everything in it. And had/has a well paid full time job. Work non stop. When house was finished, kids were older and we sold house and bought a farm, needing also a bit more than paint. We have lived here 2 years now. House is finished, it is wonderfull. Now he has gone to fix the out side area - HUGE - with barn, stable etc.
Last summer, we were here - doing the house. Didnt have kitchen, didnt have floors, didnt have much. And it RAINED the hole time. This summer - house is done, kids are settled, and I thought it was time for family, for me and him. And when we do day trips outside of farm, he is happy, chatty, funny. And then we come home, he disappears outside, coming in, late, tired, quiet.
It is hard for me. I know he does insane work, nobody work like him. He just keep going. I have mental issues, and is working at home - in a compagny he made, and is a big part of - but it is only done for me, as I can stay home. He never make a fuss, he just do what need to be done.
And I am horrible, because I am not happy. I think he is grumpy, quiet, has absolutely no sense of humor, never smile or laugh. He, on the other hand think I am demanding, want to change who he is.
I find it hard to have sex with a man, I cant "feel" - he is the perfect janitor, but that is not enough. I have the perfect life - 2 kids in private schools, lovely holidays, working from home etc - he feel I am demanding as I want to be close to him. He has no clue what I mean.
When he come in, in the evening - around 9 - we cuddle in the sofa and watch a movie, which is fine - but I need MORE. I need to be happy. I find him very attractive - but his mood is a total turn off. He would like sex 3-4 times a week, and think I should take his work as "presents/show of love" - he do this for us, for family. And he is right. WHY cant I settle for this?
He has so many qualities - NEVER made me question his love for me, he think I am the hottest hottie, regardles of what I look like, I am in charge of money, I decide a lot in our family, he just follow me. (kids pets, holidays, weekends, everything)
He has the life he wants. He is happy, he say. He wants us, and he want to work on farm. And he wants sex. :-)
I want to be close. I want to be intimate. I want to laugh. Have fun. He is not up for it. He doesnt do conversations about feelings, issues, he feel critized, and get defencive. I thought he was like this, because of hard work, and it would go away. But he just find new hard work - he like hard work, it is his identity.
Why cant I be happy with the hottest janitor in the world??? And what the fuck to do? I tried again this morning - he got pissed of, and now his car has gone. I want this to work, I want him, us. I like so much of him. Just wish he would lighten the fuck up a bit..