First relationship

[keaky]

Hi,
Feeling stupid, looking for advice. I'm 4 months into my first relationship since years before my 5 year old was born. He's lovely, kind, supportive and great with THE LO. only problem is himself having been single for nearly 10 years and not ever having a "serious" relationship he's everybody's 'safe' guy. 90% of his friends pare females who constantly paw at him, cross over familiar boundaries I'm not comfortable with and I feel have used him whenever they've lacked intimacy in their own relationships or been single. I trust him 100% but after a life time of these over familiar relationships which have never amounted to anything I feel he doesn't understand what is and isn't appropriate and respectful. I think he's amazing and I've no idea why non of them have ever snapped him up but more fool them.

Anyways, how do I broach this subject without been the crazy gf. We love each other and we talk about our future together but I feel so uncomfortable at times, 4 months compared to decades of friendships is intimidating. Any advice

I am strongly for walking away if you have any feelings like this within the first 12 months or so. Its supposed to be easy. He is very unlikely to change his friendshio dynamics, so can you change to accept it? I also cringe a little at introducing DC to him so quickly, you barely know the guy. Walk away whilst you arent committed and can keep it easily civil.

Just explain it to him like you did to us! It might take a while for him to realise the difference between a girl friend and a g/f but with patience, he will get there. Wishing you all the best. x

And I suspect if 90% of his friends are over familiar women then he likes the attention. And prepare to hear that he has been more than a bit overfamiliar with some in the past, probably.

The relationship is easy, we have a laugh and it is so comfortable when we are together, I don't have doubts about him or us I'm just uncomfortable with the overly touchy way girls are with him. We work together and he met my daughter prior to us starting dating along with all my other colleagues but you are right in that we've not known each other long. Hes on the heavier side even though he is a complete gent and funny and kind I think he's over compensated running around been everyone's best friend and yes he's probably enjoyed the attention he gets when he's bending over backwards for them. I feel he's been used. I don't want to change who he is I just feel the boundaries once in a relationship of what is and isn't acceptable change.

What precisely does "overly touchy" mean though?

Okay, your second post gives some good context. Just say how you feel to him. I think a lot of people automatically tone it down after time and as their relationship becomes more serious, but maybe he wont without it being pointed out that his boundaries are a bit skewed.

Why do you think they are using him? It might be easier to approach to from a point where theres something more objective than just "youre all a bit too touchy", such as pointing out theyre calling him a lot or relying on him for...whatever..money? Whatever it is. Changing your actual communication with someone (what I would consider flirting but Im not sure if thats what you mean) is gonna be a bit more difficult as its vague than putting in some other boundaries.

How would you feel if he says he likes running around/bending over backward for people/doesnt see any issue? He might be grateful for you to point it out, but it might also be an effect of his personality.