I've been married for 30 years. When I first met my husband I was only 18 and thought it was normal to hug and kiss a lot. He was totally the opposite and used to physically push me away. He never held my hand or cuddled me. He said this was because he was never shown any affection but that I was also too needy. Before anyone asks why on earth I married this man, it was an arranged marriage. After having my first child I became depressed and started having panic attacks. I've been on medication ever since. Five years into our marriage my husband went off the rails and began lying to me about money and getting himself into thousands of pounds worth of debt. He physically hurt me on a couple of occasions. I left him for a period of time, but due to my insecurities later went back. He eventually settled down again and has never done anything like that since. The main issue now is I feel so lonely when I'm with him. He now works 3 jobs, including Sundays. When he is home, he is glued to his phone. He says he loves me but rarely shows it. I have become more and more withdrawn over the years because of his lack of care and attention. I have become bitter and sad. I have no real friends and can't talk to my family. He says I'm always complaining and that's why we're not close. We will go to an event where I don't really know many people and he will usually end up leaving me on my own to go and talk to others. When I get upset because I've been sitting on my own, he tells me I'm irrational and he feels pressured. He never tells me he loves me or that I'm pretty. I could just go on and on. I'm so sad. I feel like I'm just existing. I have talked to him about this so many times and he just tells me the reason our marriage is suffering is because I'm nasty and don't show him any affection. I feel he just wants to be independent and do his own thing while I'm standing on the outskirts waiting for him when he needs me. He obviously doesn't see it this way and makes me feel as though I'm the one that's not ok, that if I were different, everything would be amazing.